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nhl-stories · 7 months ago

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I'm Back- Jack Hughes feat. Nico Hischier

Summary: Lux stays with Jack in New Jersey, things aren't going as she expected.

Author’s Note: This is sequel of sorts to this previous work you don't need to read it to get this, but it's a good read if I say so myself. This is a bit of a romance story, but mostly it's an ode to platonic soulmates.

Also fudging the timeline of medical school interviews because this is my world and I can do what I want to fit my needs

Word Count: 5.3k

“Hey loser!”

Lux looks up to see Jack sticking his head out of the passenger window like a dog.

“Hey moron,” she shoves his head back into the car and drags her suitcase to the trunk.

Jack is out of the car and lifting it into the trunk before she has a chance.

“What a gentleman.”

Jack’s bright smile never fails to make her grin back, but she isn’t expecting the almost-tender hug that follows.

“Hi Luxy,” he mumbles into her hair, he sounds so tired, she squeezes a little tighter.

A honk jolts them apart.

“Our driver is a little impatient.”

Lux climbs in the back and wraps her arms around the seat and Luke’s shoulders before kissing his cheek.

“Aww look at my little Lukey all grown up.”

He shoves her back towards her seat.

“I could drive before,” he says petulantly before pulling away from the curb.

“Yeah, but now it’s in a car you bought on your own, because you have a job. Let me be proud I don’t have a little brother of my own,” she giggles as she sees Luke turn pink.

She lets him off the hook, and turns her attention to Jack, “Am I going to meet this new girlfriend while I’m here?”

Lux lifts a leg to kick Jack in the arm, “I should still be mad at you, I can’t believe I had to find out you have a serious girlfriend with the rest of gen pop on a fucking TikTok.”

“Sorry, she’s out of town.”

“How convenient,” Lux rolls her eyes, “now I won’t be able to prove I’m not a threat.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve spent our whole friendship proving to girls that we are strictly platonic and there’s nothing to be jealous of.”

“What would they have to be jealous about?”

If it were anyone but Jack the comment might hurt.

“Lots of men actually find me desirable, so a lot of women don’t understand how you don’t see me like that at all. And women can be just as territorial as men.”

“Remember Sam thought you two were dating just because you don’t fucking shut up about Lux.”

“Thank you, Luke, excellent point. And then people see us together and realize that is not the kind of chemistry we share. But without the live experience it’s hard to prove.”

“She’s kind of in a different league than you, she’s definitely not gonna be jealous.”

Lux kicks him a little harder than before.

When they arrive at the apartment, Lux immediately drops her bags and flops on the couch, “This’ll do.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

“What are we gonna share? First, we have never been two friends-one bed type of friends, second, we just had the jealous girlfriend talk.”

“Then take Luke’s room,” Jack shrugs.

“Hey!” Luke looks up from his phone to protest.

“I’m not gonna take your room. You’re saving me so much money on hotels, I’m more than okay with the couch.”

“Now that it’s settled, get up, we’re going to dinner.”

Jack grabs her hands and tries to pull her up, Lux goes full limp body.

“Do we have to leave?”

“We just planned to meet up with some guys for dinner, we don’t have any food here” Luke adds, already looking antsy to go, probably more than ready for his next meal.

“Fine, can’t let you waste away,” she dramatically gets off the couch.

“Is that what you’re going to wear?” Jack gives her a once over.

“Do your teammates have some kind of dress code?”

She eyes the boys and their casual outfits that wouldn’t be considered much nicer than her travel clothes.

“No, you just look a little… like you were on a plane,” Jack says like it’s diplomatic, not rude.

“Are you worried I’ll embarrass you in front of your teammates? Cause I can do that with or without changing.”

“Whatever, just– I don’t know fix your ponytail!”

Lux rolls her eyes but takes down her hair and shakes it out, before grabbing a change of clothes just to stop the whining.

“Oh my god guys, I was pretty the whole time! I might be too hot and irresistible for your teammates.” She comes back in tossing her fixed hair over her shoulder.

“And obviously you’d act on that,” Jack tosses her jacket at her.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t fuck one of your teammates? I used to fuck your brother!” Lux shoots Jack incredulous look.

“In fact, I could do both right now, what do you say Lukey?” She winks over at the younger brother.

“Please leave me out of this.”

“Okay, let’s not starve the baby any longer. But reminder, I’m a former WAG, it’s not like I couldn’t get an NHLer if I tried.”

“I’ll start matchmaking then,” Jack wraps an arm around her shoulder and leads her out of the apartment.

The restaurant is a lowkey sushi place. There are only about five Devil’s players, and Lux quickly realizes no other women are gonna be here. She has war flashbacks to the lake house in the summer.

Lux squeezes herself between Jack and Luke at the table, she wants to have an easy conversation to fall back on.

“So, you’re the famous Lux,” a man with a toothless grin, who Lux learns is Dawson, says from across the table.

“Famous? What have you heard about me?” her stomach twists, probably good things, but Hughes brothers might not be the only ones talking about her.

“With the way he talks about you, I thought Jack was dating you for a while until I learned you were dating Quinn.”

There’s a scuffle under the table, “Oh right, sorry about the break up.”

Lux flushes, “Um- it’s been a while don’t worry about it, I’m not still heartbroken.”

“Well, the other two Hughes brothers love you a lot, always telling stories about you. And Nico said you were really nice.”

“Oh yeah, when you had to introduce your girl best friend to your new best friend,” she pinches Jack’s cheek.

“I took you guys to that place in Greektown,” she perks up a bit, “Is Nico coming tonight?”

Jack eyes her for a second before John Marino butts in, “he bailed, said he was feeling tired.”

The rest of dinner is good, but Lux can feel herself fading fast. And while she’s starting to lean heavily into Jack’s side, he doesn’t seem to get the message.

“You guys want to hear about the time Jack tried to ask out a girl in our chemistry class?”

“Right, you have to get up early, we should go,” Jack is quick to stand.

Luke snickers and doesn’t get to his feet, wants to see where this goes in front of their intrigued teammates.

“After I can talk about when Luke was like 14 or 15 and–“ Luke shoots up and drags Lux up with him.

“Nice to meet you guys, see you later,” Lux calls as they push her out of the restaurant.

:::

She’s hit with the scent of cooking as she comes in the apartment, and takes off her shoes.

“I can finally take this bra off, it’s so uncomfortable but it’s the only one that works with this– oh. There’s company.”

Lux freezes, one cup of her bra sticking out of her sleeve. Jack is facing the stove, not paying attention.

“Nico’s staying for dinner.”

Nico gives an awkward wave from his spot at the kitchen island with a glass of wine.

“Hi Nico,” she pulls the bra out the rest of the way, “Would have loved a little warning about the company,” then she whips Jack with her bra on her way out, ignoring his protest as she leaves.

She comes back into the kitchen and suddenly feels very exposed in her baggy Lions shirt and old, worn-out short shorts. Her packing hadn’t included thoughts of what to wear in front of men who are basically strangers while hanging around the apartment.

She tries to ignore the heat in her face and confidently take the seat next to Nico, where a new glass of wine is waiting for her.

“Hi Lux, nice to see you again,” he swivels in the barstool, bumping her knee with his.

“You too, even if it didn’t seem like I was before,” she takes a nervous sip of wine.

“Just with the whole bra thing, I try to keep the number of NHLers who’ve seen my nipples to a minimum, it’s probably already too high.”

Nico let’s out a laugh so delightful Lux feels her heart flip. She always thought Nico was cute, but up close and laughing at her jokes, she thinks it’s a bona fide crush now.

Jack scoffs, “You were dared to flash me, so I don’t really count.”

“Okay, so minus Jack, the three is probably enough.”

“Wait, who else saw your nipples?” Jack is less interested in what’s cooking now.

“Quinn, obviously. And Cole at prom; remember the strap on my dress broke, he got and eyeful before he helped cover me up.”

She takes another sip, let Jack’s mind run a bit wild.

“And Lukey walked in on me changing into my swimsuit once.”

The knife Luke is using to chop vegetables clatters onto the cutting board, “You said you’d never tell anyone that!”

“No, I said I wouldn’t tell Quinn that,” and she pretends to look around the room, “and there’s Jack and Nico… no Quinn.”

Luke’s cheeks are burning red and Jack looks like he’s torn between laughing and fuming, which ultimately makes him look a bit constipated.

“You were like 15 and had access to the internet, I doubt my tits were that impactful.”

“Can I throw myself out of a window now?” He looks like he’d prefer to melt into the floor.

Lux stands up and hugs Luke, pinning his arms to his sides, “Don’t worry I won’t let your older brother beat you up over it, though I think you’ve literally grown out of that phase now that you’re taller than him.”

“Now that we know that everyone here but Nico has seen your boobs.”

“We could change that…” Lux chirps at Jack and gets a shove from Luke.

“How was your interview?”

Lux shrugs, “Good, I think… I could not read the interviewer at all.”

“I’m sure you crushed it,” Jack gives her a noogie.

“Thank you for the vote of confidence, but it’s one of the most competitive med schools in America, so I’m not keeping my hopes up too much.”

Before the pair can continue arguing about how smart or not smart Lux is, Nico butts in.

“You’re interviewing for medical schools, right? Where at?

“Today was Columbia, I have Cornell tomorrow, and NYU Friday.”

“All just a train ride away,” Jack says as he starts to move them towards the dining table.

“And I haven’t decided if that’s a pro or con yet,” Lux smirks, before taking a seat.

“So, are you coming to both games?” Nico starts, clearly a ploy to stop the bickering before it really starts, already reading the duo’s antics.

“Of course, she’s coming,” Jack jumps in continues to cut off any protest, “you’ve never seen me play a home game and you’ve never even seen Luke play in the big leagues live!”

“But we agreed one game, two in one week will ruin my whole yearly quota.”

“You’re not a hockey fan?”

“That’s an understatement,” Luke laughs.

“Years with the Hughes family, then becoming a WAG, and we still couldn’t convert her,” Jack says wistfully.

“Maybe The Rock will change your mind,” Nico says thoughtfully.

Lux shrugs, she doesn’t want to rain on his parade, “Who are you playing? Just so I can make sure I don’t get a Zegras jumpscare.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“I don’t think his relationship status would change how much he enjoys annoying me.”

“We’re not playing the Ducks, plus he’s out with a broken ankle anyway, I don’t think he’s traveling,” Jack adds, his tone hinting that there’s more on that subject he wants to discuss.

“Okay I can tell you’re dying to talk shop, so go ahead,” she’s surprised they let it go on this long.

“We were actually going to talk about the Canucks right before you got here,” Luke say with a little apprehension, always thinking of Lux’s feelings.

“How is Captain Q doing? They’re playing shockingly well, right?”

“I thought you didn’t like hockey?” Jack mocks.

“Our moms talk, I follow hockey players on socials, information gets disseminated.”

Jack makes a face, clearly unsure if that last word means what he thinks it does.

“The Canucks pretty much guaranteed to make it to the playoffs,” Luke probably knows disseminated doesn’t have anything to do with semen.

“Damn, I missed my chance to get a WAG jacket.”

Then the boys are off on tangents about trades and special teams and injuries. Lux silently enjoys the familiar chatter, letting it wash over her like a warm hug. Though she isn’t absorbing any of the information.

She barely notices when the conversation turns to her while they start to clear the table.

“If you don’t want to sleep on the couch again, Nico has a spare bedroom.” Jack says as if he’s had to repeat himself.

“Excuse me?”

“He lives just upstairs, and has a guest room.”

“I’m staying here to spend time with you, why would I want to stay at some strange guy’s apartment? No offense, Nico.”

“No pressure, if you change your mind the offer is open,” Nico has such a kind smile Lux almost ask if she can stay in his bed.

“Thank you, that’s very nice of you, but I think I’ll stay here.”

Nico nods and says good night before leaving. Lux counts to five after the door shuts behind him.

“What the fuck was that?” Lux glares at Jack.

Jack isn’t quite sure how to respond.

“Why are you trying to pawn me off?”

He shrugs, “I’m not, but he does have a spare room. And it’s nicer to sleep on a bed. And if you happen to hit it off, that’s cool you’ll have another friend when you move here.”

Luke scoffs and retreats to his room, not wanting to get implicated in any scheme.

“So, you have ulterior motives?”

“That makes it sound like my motives are bad, friends are a bad thing now?”

“Friendship isn’t bad, but this feels like you know something I don’t and that makes me very uneasy.”

“I’ve never known something you don’t,” he gives a cheeky smile and Lux rolls her eyes.

He puts the last of the plates in the dishwasher.

“I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed, night Luxxy,” he ruffles her hair as he walks by.

Then she’s alone.

At 9 PM.

Not shooting the shit with her bestie.

Maybe she should have stayed with Nico.

:::

The Cornell interview is a dream. Lux had gone to other interviews and liked a few, but this was different. She was vibing with the interviewer. Everything she learned about the school she loved.

Everything just felt right.

She was floating on air as she walked the streets toward Central Park. The pizza she stopped for tasted better… although that might have been a New York thing and not a feeling good in the moment thing.

She texts Jack a good luck for the game but doesn’t get a response, she assumes he’s napping or in the zone or something. It’s not a part of their usual texting unless she somehow knows there’s a specifically important game; like when he plays Quinn or the stadium series a few weeks ago.

Lux meets up with a friend from college, who takes her out for drinks then dinner then more drinks. She’s a little tipsy when she gets on the train to Jack’s apartment, insisting to her friend that she doesn’t want to sleep on a futon in her studio apartment.

Halfway there she realizes she should check the score before she gets back. She may not care about hockey but she cares about her friend’s feelings and knowing what kind of mood he’ll be in can only help.

They lost.

Quinn would get quiet and introspective when he lost a game, so it was always easy for Lux. Not only were they not in the same city, but usually he didn’t want to talk. Jack usually got grumpy and wanted to complain. So not the exact environment she was used to or really wanted to be in.

She gets back before the boys somehow. She’s not exactly sure how.

So, she gets ready for bed and turns on the TV, of course it’s already on some channel playing sports highlights. Lux flips around to find something more mindless when they boys come home.

Luke plops down on the couch, suit jacket discarded immediately. Jack sort of awkwardly stands behind the couch, staring at the TV where Lux stopped on a game show.

When neither of them speaks up, Lux fills in the silence.

“Sorry about the loss, but a goal and an assist, that’s pretty cool,” she looks up to Jack with a sad smile, hoping she’s at least a little comforting.

“Mmmhmm,” Jack hums.

She tries a new tactic, “Cornell went well.”

“Cool.”

“I liked it, a lot.” She emphasizes.

“Cool.”

“How about we order pizza, watch bad TV, and not talk then?”

“I’ll pass,” Jack finally moves, heading to his room and shutting the door behind him.

She looks over to Luke, “He’s being weird with me, right?”

“Kind of,” Luke avoids eye contact, his tell when he’s trying protect his brothers in some way.

“We haven’t hung out, just the two of us since I got here. Hell, we haven’t even done a Lux and the Hughes bros night. I want to know if I did something wrong.”

“It’s not you, he was really excited you were coming. Wouldn’t shut up about everything he wanted to show so you’d fall in love with here like he has.”

Lux smirks at that.

“I think the season has been rough for him, he’s been taking it out on himself a little.”

She scoots down the couch and pulls Luke into her side with a hug.

“And how are you doing?” She gives him a squeeze, her instinct to big sister Luke coming out.

“It’s my first full season, I’m just happy to be playing. And Jack’s been taking good care of me.”

“What an insane sentence, but glad you have each other here.”

“And I heard talk of pizza,” he hugs Lux back.

“You’re the local, tell me where to order from,” she ruffles his hair.

:::

Lux wakes up early despite her late night of TV and pizza. She clears off the table before heading towards Jack’s room.

She knocks gently, before just walking in. Though she hovers near the entryway.

“What’s wrong with us?”

Jack’s lying in bed looking at his phone, double chin on full display. Lux would normally make fun of him, or take a picture for her own blackmailing purposes, but now’s not the time.

“What do you mean?” He doesn’t look away from his texting or whatever he’s doing.

Lux crawls into the bed and lays on her side facing him.

“I thought we weren’t ‘share a bed’ friends?”

She rolls her eyes, snatches his phone and throws it to the foot of the bed. It gets lost somewhere in the crumpled duvet.

“When you’ve been using your brother and teammates as a buffer to not be alone with me, I’ll bend our friendship rules.”

“Okay we’re alone, what’s wrong with me?”

“It’s not just a you thing… it’s an us thing.”

Jack finally turns his head to really look at Lux.

“We haven’t talked at all since Christmas, and even then, it was like for 15 minutes between family obligations. And we’re barely texting.”

Lux hates her body for betraying her, tears starting to well up even if she’s more frustrated than sad.

“It feels like right before Quinn broke up with me.”

That gets Jack to sit up, confused, a little angry.

“I’m not fucking breaking up with you.”

“Good, I don’t think I could survive a second Hughes break up.”

Jack sighs, “Just this year has fucking sucked for me, we’re not doing as well– I’m not doing as well as I thought. And you’re in your senior year and applying to med schools, I didn’t want to add my own stress to you.”

“Are you still hurt?”

“Kind of, but we’re like still sort of in the race for a playoff spot and if I can just get us in…”

Lux knows to bite her tongue when it comes to injury management. They’ll play through the pain even if it’s not necessarily the best for themselves, if there’s a chance it’s best for the team.

“And on top of that you get a girlfriend, a meet your parents kind of girlfriend.”

“I guess I’m not over you and Quinn breaking up!”

Lux swallows, tries to put together a coherent thought.

“I know you had a crush on Quinn forever, and I was happy for you guys, but you were my friend first and he kind of ruined that. And now I feel like I have to be careful when it comes to talking about him, or relationships, or even just making fun of you.”

He finally turns onto his side.

“And most importantly I want to talk to you about how Quinn’s girlfriend is so nice it’s kind of annoying.”

“Oh my god, she’s too nice! Do you know she follows me on Instagram? We met like that one time at the lake and she comments on all my pictures about how pretty I am. She knows I’m his ex, right?”

“Oh yeah, it was a whole weird thing when we all played each other the first time. Quinn apparently hadn’t told her explicitly and we made some joke or something and then she just was like ‘oh she’s so nice and pretty, no wonder you liked her.’”

Lux can’t help but laugh.

“I mean maybe I couldn’t handle that like right after the break up, but I was so lost after. I didn’t know how to be a college student without a long-distance boyfriend and still be a good student or friend and whatever, and I was such a bitch at the end of our relationship I thought you wouldn’t be on my side, which you shouldn’t”

“What?”

“We were already having problems, but I purposely made them worse. Like, while I was dodging all his calls, you came to play in Chicago and I made sure that we took a picture together because I knew you’d send it to the family group chat and he’d see I was just living my life.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“I know! I can’t believe he never told you that. He really is like the best brother.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, I think I wanted a break but I didn’t know how to ask for one, so I ruined it. And sometimes I think if we took a break maybe we’d get back together again, but also, I just don’t think we were meant for long term.”

She reaches across to grab Jack’s hand, “But us… this shit is forever. We have almost nothing in common and you’re still the first person I want to call with big news or if I need advice, which is crazy cause you’re one of the dumbest people I know.”

Jack laughs, it’s a little wet. They have to ignore it because they love each other but it’s not emotional like this.

“Okay, so I’ll still be your future kids cool Uncle Jack? Even if we’re not blood related?”

“Of course.”

“Okay enough of this emotional stuff, it’s very gross.”

“But what if we kissed right now,” Lux wiggles her eyebrows while trying to keep a straight face.

Jack shoves her hard enough she teeters dangerously on the edge of the bed, as she howls with laughter.

“Oka, now tell me why you’re trying to set me up with Nico?”

“He’s brunette with a lot body hair but almost none on his chest, that’s your type.”

“Oh my god! Shut up, that is not my type,” Lux covers her face, masking her laughs and her embarrassment.

“Palmer from high school was a fucking wolf man.”

“Okay, well recent studies show that’s not my type.”

Jack gags.

“Nico may also sort of be seeing this woman who’s massive bitch to him. And I like him and I like you, so maybe if you hit it off… it would be good for everyone. And make you want to move here.”

“I’m not making life altering decisions based on boys… even for cute Swiss boys or platonic soulmates.”

The door opens suddenly, “We’re gonna be late for morning skate, dude.”

“What if we had been having sex, dude?” Lux says while stretching out on the bed.

“Then the world would be ending, so it wouldn’t really matter,” he rolls his eyes, “I’m pulling out of the garage in 10 minutes with or without you.

“Want to go shopping later?” Jack asks Lux as he gets out of bed

“Are you paying?”

He scoffs, “Sure.”

“Then I’m in. Have fun at morning skate, I’m gonna nap in your bed.”

:::

Things snap back into place almost immediately, like it was more effort pushing each other away than just letting themselves get pulled into each other’s orbit.

And all feels right in the world again.

Thursday is another game day; Lux is reading on the boys’ balcony while they nap. She jolts when the sliding door opens.

“Sorry to scare you,” Nico in a suit sits down across from her, “they still napping?”

“Yes? I don’t know their routines. Why are you here?”

“We’re carpooling.”

They sit quietly for a bit, before Lux finally puts her book down.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to a game, is this appropriate attire?” She stands up and does a goofy little spin.

“What are you doing?” Jack asks from the doorway, a playful smirk on his face like he’s getting away with something.

“I’m asking if I’m dressed alright, since I’m sitting in your girlfriend’s spot with all the WAGs.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t force her to wear your jersey,” Nico laughs, “but you look nice, won’t even have to change when we go out after the win.”

“Oooh you’re ready to put on a show for me?”

“You could use some make up though,” Jack adds.

Lux just flips him off.

A sleepy looking Luke comes to the door, “Don’t let Lukey drive, he looks like an accident ready to happen.”

“Try to have fun tonight,” Jack hugs Lux.

Normally she’d say something snarky, like ‘try to win then.’ But after their heart to heart, that feels like a twist of the knife.

“I’ll try to be the best good luck charm.”

Lux gets to her seat five minutes into the first period in an attempt to avoid any awkward introductions. Not that she’s against meeting new people, but without social butterfly Jack by her side, she relapses into her shyer ways.

Still, the group tries to include her, shocked she hasn’t seen Jack play in Jersey and forcing her to take a picture where the mascot is holding her bridal style.

She has a couple drinks, cheers when Jack gets an assist, and pretends she doesn’t cheer louder when Nico gets an assist on the game winning goal.

She won’t admit it, but it’s the most fun she’s had at a hockey game, maybe ever.

The women lead her down to the family room while they discuss where they want to go out. Lux is buzzing with adrenaline she was not expecting, ready to follow everyone for a night out with no complaint.

Luke and Jack come out of the locker room simultaneously. Lux is about to jump on Jack when she remembers what he said about his shoulder, so she jumps on Luke’s back instead.

“Lukey, you were so good out there,” she squeezes him tight and ruffles Jack’s hair while she has the height advantage.

“I was -1,” he starts to let her go so she slides off his back.

“I don’t know what that means, so it can’t be that important.”

She gives Luke another hug then turns her attention to Jack, who wraps an arm around her shoulder.

“Guess you were a good luck charm.”

“And yet, you couldn’t score a goal for me.”

“Gotta keep you wanting more.”

She sticks her tongue out at him.

“I heard there were talks of going out? I have an interview tomorrow so the sooner that starts the better.”

They end up at a trendy bar on the other side of the river with about half the team and their significant others. She lets Jack talk her into taking a shot about two steps into the establishment.

She laughs, she dances, she drinks a bit too much. Her head starts to spin and she makes her way to the patio, the chilled air feels good and clears her vision.

A cold glass of water brushes against her arm.

“You probably should hydrate.”

“Thanks,” she smiles up at Nico.

“Did you have fun tonight? At the game?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell Jack it’ll go to his head.”

“Might be a con if you end up picking Cornell, he’ll make you come watch all the time.”

“I think med school is a good excuse to miss out.”

Nico shrugs, “I’d miss my good luck charm.”

The early spring air is chilly, but a gust of warm air comes over Lux. ‘This is flirting. Nico is flirting with me,’ rings in her head while she struggles to be charming, or smooth in response.

Of course, that’s when the clock strikes midnight and she turns back into a pumpkin, or really Jack interrupts the moment.

“Luxxy, time to leave! I won’t be the reason you’re late or hungover for your interview.” He yells from the doorway of the bar, for maximum embarrassment.

Lux close her eyes and lets out a sigh. Then lets a final burst of liquid confidence bubble up to the surface.

“I might not see you before I leave, so let me give you my phone number,” she holds out her hand for his phone, which he unlocks and hands over.

“Partially, because seeing this happen will make Jack lose his mind. And it would be nice to have another friend if I move out here.”

Nico is kind of dumbstruck as he nods along, “Friends are nice.”

“Especially cute friends,” she holds back a grin and gives him a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

He turns an adorable shade of pink.

“What was that?” Jack says as she walks by taking him in tow.

“What? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

:::

The last interview goes fine. Not great, but at least she isn’t hungover for it.

Her flight out is at an ungodly time the next morning, so she insists on an early bedtime from her chauffeurs.

Which is how she ends up sitting alongside the river, brown bagging beers with the Hughes brothers, watching the sun set.

“So, am I going to meet the new girlfriend at the lake this summer?”

“You’re actually coming to the lake house this summer?”

“If I can embarrass you in front of your new girlfriend? Absolutely.”

“I’m giving your room to Trevor,” beer sloshes out of his can when he elbows her.

“C’mon, this might actually be my last summer at the lake. I’m becoming a doctor; I think I’ll be busy. Or maybe I’ll meet someone.”

“Someone who will whisk you off to Switzerland?” Jack wiggles his eyebrows and Luke make smooching sounds.

“Anything is possible,” she raises her beer and drinks to that.

#jack hughes #nico hischier #jack hughes fic #nico hischier fic #new jersey devils fic #nhl fic #nhl stories #hockey fic #hockey imagines #new jersey devils

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letsgetrowdy43 · 2 years ago

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I've never known someone like you—

Luke Hughes x musician!reader

I listened to “glue song” by Beabadobee (feat. Clairo) and that gave me the inspiration for the edit so enjoy!!

ynofficial and Rollingstone just posted!!

Liked by radvxz and 239 837 others

Ynofficial I met with @Rollingstone earlier this week to talk about my art, what’s coming next, and how I want to expand my creativity into different types of mediums!! Link is in my bio, please give it a read 🤎

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User64 bby you’re glowing!!

User20 dude you’re so well articulated! The interview was perfect

Taylornation we are obsessed with you 💜🕰️

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User48 no cause when she started talking about wanting to write a book and get more involved in the New York art scene I started shaking with excitement

User19 it would be so sick to see her involve herself in all sorts of creative scenes

Gracie Abrams I aspire to be you

Ynofficial I’m kicking my feet rn bae 🤭

Ynoffical just posted!!

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Ynofficial New York the last two nights have been literal dreams come true <3 New Jersey I’m on my way!!

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User29 they way I’ve never been so excited for anything in my life

Leithross you deserve it all!!

Ynofficial omg ily 🫶🏻

User40 THIS IS MY ERAS TOUR 😩

Jackhughes @Lhughes_06 so…. should we get tickets

Lhughes_06 yes.

User63 that was ominous…

Lhughes_06 just posted!!

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Lhughes_06 is this considered a soft launch??

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Markestapa since when??

Dylanduke25 the question you should be asking is WHO?

User73 we lost him girls 😔

User47 this post will be a conversation in therapy today!

Umichhockey very softlaunch 💙

NJdevils he learnt from the best ❤️

Dougieham are the girls fighting?

Jackhughes did she buy you that shirt 🤨

Lhughes_06 I actually bought this myself…

_Quinnhughes disgusting.

Ynofficial just posted!!

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Ynofficial so sad that my first tour has come to and end!! But I’m so excited to rest and get back into the routine of making new stuff for you guys!! Stay tuned <3

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User37 we love you ❤️

User19 watching you preform was such an out of body experience, you’re truly a talent

Ynofficial you’re gonna make me cry 🫶🏻 ily

xboygeniusx it was a pleasure to open for you!! Loved watching you grow as the tour went on 🖤

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Dylanduke25 JUST SHOW US HIS FACE

Lhughes_06 just posted!!

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Lhughes_06 dylan duke cracked the code

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Dylanduke PURR! I DID THAT

User28 I witnessed the revelation 😎

Edwards.73 I’m sorry what…

Lucafantilli he’s literally been gone a month.

Nicohischer congrats!!

User37 I was not expecting that. Like at all.

Ynofficial wait this is so cute 🤭

Lhughes_06 you’re cute

Ynofficial I’m gonna put my phone down and kiss you now

Jackhughes IM 😒 TIRED 😒 OF 😒 THIS

Ynofficial just posted!!

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Ynofficial I 🫶🏻 Luke Warren Hughes

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Lhughes_06 love you

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User92 I just know the booktok girlies are gonna eat this up…

User32 New Wag just dropped??

Ynofficial if anything I’m his sugar mommy

Lhughes_06 🤑💸

_Quinnhughes I don’t think you bully moose enough

Jackhughes agreed!

User48 MY HEART 😩

Dylanduke25 WAIT A SECOND YOU WENT TO THE B1G CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

Mackiesamo may we please get a timeline of this relationship??

Ynofficial we met last year when he visited Jack in jersey… We got together last summer when I visited Michigan!

Dylanduke25 I can’t believe he hid this from us 💔

Elblue6 sending my love ❤️

#luke hughes #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #insta au #umich hockey #quinn hughes #jack hughes #ethan edwards #mark estapa #umich imagine #dylan duke #adam fantilli #nj devils

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avalentina · 8 months ago

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Bookstore Owner Y/N x Christian Pulisic Preview

Warnings: Multi-Lingual (Some Italian mixed in, I will translate most of it), otherwise none as of yet, this is just super cute and fluffy so far, the reader is half American half Italian but grew up in Italy.

892 Words

I’m grabbing another box of reshelves when the little chime above the door of Rose’s Books dings. My grandmother used to call me her little rose and it was her who fueled my love of books. When I get out from the storeroom, a young guy about my age is wandering around looking at everything. He looks like he just finished an early evening run. His short hair has these adorable natural curls to it and when his amazing brown eyes meet mine, the box slips from my hands and thumps to the floor, landing on my foot.

“Merda, ouch.” I yelp as he rushes over with a shy smile on his face and grabs the box. Easily hoisting it onto the nearby counter.

“Is your foot okay?” He asks with an American accent and my stomach erupts in butterflies.

“It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Bruised toes tend to happen when you own a bookstore.”

“Oh, you own this place? It’s cozy, I like it.” He says, that shy smile back

“Thank you.”

“I take it you’re Rose?” He asks.

“Well technically my name is Y/N, rose is a nickname from my best childhood memories, so it seemed fitting. But anyways, did you just come in to browse or are you in need of a specific title?” I ask, shaking myself out of the daze and back into sales mode.

“I was hoping you had a copy of The Sorcerer’s Stone. I lost mine.” He says sheepishly.

“I don’t have The Sorcerer’s Stone, but I do have The Philosopher’s Stone.” I say with a knowing smile.

“I keep forgetting it has a different name in America.” He says and we fill the short walk over to its shelf with talk about Potter. I hand him the book and our fingers brush as he takes it from me.

“All set then, or do you need some time to browse?” I ask, hoping he opts for the latter option.

“I think I will take a peek around if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” I nod. “Can I get you anything to drink? I’m a firm believer that a good book is always better with a comforting drink.” I’ve got a little setup of some espresso, tea options, water, lemonade, and my favorite apple cider behind the register station.

“Maybe just a small lemonade.” He says and I grab him one before going back to my shelving. As I go around the shop reshelving I feel the weight of his eyes on me from time to time and can’t help but take quick glances over at him as well. He’s just so pretty to look at.

I hear the door chime again, as my best friends and business partners Livia and Nico come in to help me close up the shop. Nico grabs his first box and starts reshelving before setting it aside and rushing back over.

“Y/N why is Christian Pulisic in the shop right now?” He asks me and I guess he’s referring to the cute guy with brown eyes.

“He needed a new copy of Philosopher’s Stone. What’s wrong with that?”

“He's Christian Pulisic, one of the new signings for AC Milan.

“So he’s a footballer?” I ask.

“One of the BEST footballers ever. I bought his jersey to wear to games as soon as the transfer was finalized.”

“Okay Nico, breathe, he’s also a normal human being. Why don’t you do the reshelves in the kids section and I’ll finish your area.”

“Would it be a bad time for me to get his autograph?”

“Of course not, happy to chat with a fan.” The guy who I guess is kind of a big deal says to Nico with a genuine smile and extends his hand so Nico can shake it.

“Ciao. È un piacere conoscerti di persona. Sei incredibile. Adoro quando fai scivolare la palla tra le gambe di un altro giocatore, penso che tu la chiami nutmeg, comunque è così bello.”

“I'm going to be honest. I have no idea what you just said. I recognized nutmeg but that's about it.

“Not to worry Christian, I can translate Nico for you. He said, Hello. It’s nice to meet you in person. You’re amazing. I love it when you slip the ball through another player’s legs, I think you call it a nutmeg, anyway it's so cool.” I say. “Nico just has a tendency to get all of his rushed thoughts and ramblings out in Italian. It's a lot easier.”

“That makes sense. Maybe all I need is an Italian tutor.” He says, looking at me with that shy smile.

“Oooh, Y/N would be amazing at that. After all, she is half American.” Livia chimes in, having finished her round of reshelves.

Christian raises an eyebrow and my face flushes as I explain. “My father was on vacation in Florence when he met my mother who was on holiday there with her friends.”

“Her parents are the best Italian love story. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl enjoy classic Italian food, boy up and moves to Italy to be with girl.” Livia adds and I bury my face in my hands.

“That's actually adorable.” Christian says. “So what do you say? Will you help me learn Italian?”

#christian pulisic fic #christian pulisic imagine #christianpulisic #christian pulisic #christian pulisic fanfic #ac milan #soccer #football #bookstore owner!Y/N #christian pulisic concept #christian pulisic fluff #cute christian pulisic #serie a #italia #italy #milan

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puckinghischier · 7 months ago

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y’all!!!! i just bought my first hockey jersey 😭😭

they lowered the price of nico’s adidas jersey AND were offering free shipping and i just couldn’t help myself

was it a smart decision financially? not at all.

was it something i’ve talked about and debated for months? yes.

will i be wearing it around my house refusing to take it off like a little girl in her favorite princess dress? also yes.

will i be picking up every extra shift i can for the next few weeks to help make up for my poor decision? another yes, but i’ll be thinking of this man the whole time and then it’ll be justified bc i am simply just a girl, and girl math says any purchase is justified if it involves one of the many unattainable men you’re in love with

#alliyaps #new jersey devils #nico hischier #hockey #nh13 #nhl

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my-manifesting-journal-online · 3 days ago

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Third Week Of January 2025

Monday January 13th

Didn’t get called into work :/

Played online Uno with my cosplay friend

Chores

Passion session 3 of the 2nd session (1 hour 35 minutes)

Watched Passion session 4 of the 1st session (1 hour 32 minutes)

Tuesday January 14th

Half day of work at a different elementary school, fifth grade class, easy day

Chores

Watched Passion session 4 of the 2nd session (1 hour 38 minutes)

Had spicy tuna rice bowl for lunch and chicken curry buns for dinner

Unfortunately got distracted by doom scrolling which gave me anxiety :/

Wednesday January 15th

Work at the same elementary school I was at all of last week, except I was in pre-K this time and it was EXHAUSTING

Had sub sandwich and chips for my lunch break

Made mashed potatoes and honey glazed carrots to go with rotisserie chicken for dinner

My credit card came in the mail

I really didn’t do anything else besides doomscrolling because i was so mentally drained from my day and wanted to get my fill of TikTok before a ban

Thursday January 16th

Work at the same school again, same first grade class as last week except for when I covered a lunch for a kindergarten TA

Same lunch as yesterday

Skincare (Byoma eye gel)

Ordered spicy chicken pad Thai for dinner

Watched Passion session 5 of first session (3 hours)

Friday January 17th

Work at junior high school, half day regular classes, second half with special ed kids

Had a vegan frozen meal for lunch

Had leftover Thai for dinner

Went to cousins basketball game

Sent out an email about a refund I never got because I deserve my money back and standing up for myself is part of being my ideal self!!!!!

Skincare (moisturizer)

Accidentally slept half the night on the couch

Saturday January 18th

Workout

Watched Jersey Shore

Grocery shopping (got 3 vegan frozen meals, 2 more tuna cans, coffee creamer, ice cream, a juice shot, 2 prebiotic sodas, a four pack of Mexican coke, Vitamin D gummies, lamb tenderloin, a 2 pack of those chicken curry buns I love so much- came to 90 bucks and I used my credit card for the first time)

Had leftover pizza for lunch

Had spaghetti pie for dinner

Chores

Tried to enjoy TikTok before the ban but felt anxiety from all the prediction videos for the future :/

Fell asleep on the couch instead of my bed again :/ i stayed in the couch and didn’t bother changing into my pajamas

Sunday January 19th

Online church didn’t work out so I watched Session 6 of the first Passion session instead (2 hours 21 minutes)

Chores

Took a bath

Skincare (face mask)

Spaghetti pie for lunch

Had a seagrams as a treat because I rarely drink

Bought more soap and shower gel from Lush’s website

Salmon, baked potatoes, and broccoli for dinner

Gonna be honest, I feel like the only productive things I did this week were really watching the Passion Conference sessions and working. I feel like I’m stuck with a feeling of emptiness at times, and I admit that watching the Passion Conference sessions helped me to snap out of it briefly. The TikTok ban has been lifted for now, but I don’t feel like cosplaying and filming right now. I hate switching between apps and I had no desire to really use any apps on my phone. I feel restless, and I’m not sure what to do about it or what it means. It’s really hard to control my negative thoughts but I’m trying. I really am, and I’ve had small wins but it feels overwhelming. I need to really sit down and write a list of habits and things to start doing, maybe that’ll be my next post.

#positivity #self care #law of assumption #positive thoughts #manifesting #that girl #law of manifestation #manifestations #aesthetic #manifestingdreams #manifesting my dreams #manifestingmindset #manifestingmiracles #manifesting abundance #that girl journey #it girl #my ideal self #ideal self

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echoweaver · 2 years ago

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15 Questions from Mutuals

@oasislandingresident, @hazely-sims, @danjaley, @anamoon63, and @olomayasims tagged me in this meme. This is the first time I’ve been able to actually do it! Thanks. I feel loved. It feels good to be included.

Are you named after anyone? My great-grandmother, father’s father’s mother. She and my great-grandfather were immigrants from Hungary. I have have a picture of her holding me as an infant. I’m sorry I didn’t get to know her.

When was the last time you cried? I cry all the dang time. I find it more notable when I haven’t cried recently -- when putting our cats down, despite me being the one person in the family who was tracking their health in detail and really worrying about their quality of life. I’m also the one who made the call and coordinated the final vet visit. There’s stuff in there about my personality that I’m pondering.

I guess the last time I really cried it out was over gender politics, if you would believe it. My wife is trans. The horrible state of conservative oppression toward trans people right now is terrifying. OTOH, I think that enemy has led trans advocacy to be less nuanced rather than more. The complex landscape of gender, sex, and safety is often trivialized, and people get hurt. When I can’t jump on the bandwagon, I feel like a traitor to my wife. I wish there could be more thoughtfulness and compassion and nuance, but with the wave of vicious anti-trans laws and rhetoric, I appreciate why it doesn’t feel like there’s space for it.

Do you have kids? One bio-daughter, age 12. We wanted to have another and couldn’t. Then we tried to adopt from foster care, which ended up being a miserable 5-year rabbithole that led nowhere. OTOH, we have a found-daughter who entered our life through the side door as our girl’s babysitter when she was young. It’s an odd family, and we’re still figuring it out, but it’s ours.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I think of myself as fairly snarky, but actually sarcasm not that much.

What sports do you play/have you played? I got into really physical stuff late-ish, close to 30. I got into weight-lifting and cardio rhythm games. No team stuff. Later, I took up figure skating when my kid was 4 and taking lessons. I love it. I think I could have been really good if I’d found it when I was younger, but I’m very YOLO about this stuff. If I’m going to be a figure skater in middle age, so be it. Convenient classes for adults were canceled during the pandemic, though, and I haven’t built up the momentum to return. I’m settling for a lower-hanging fruit at the moment and taking up Tai Chi.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? I don’t know exactly what it is, but I get a sense of how easy it is to relax around someone.

Scary movies or happy endings? Those aren’t mutually exclusive. I like being scared, but not so much the jump-scare, blood-and-gore way. Definitely happy endings though. I’m only much into dark endings when my life is stress-free, and I don’t remember when that last happened.

Any special talents? I’m good at looking at a problem from all angles. I think this is objectively a good thing, but it’s also a pain in the butt because I can’t turn it off.

Where were you born? New Jersey, USA. Grew up in Indiana, just north of Indianapolis.

What are your hobbies? Dur. I knit, edit movies, mod video games, write fiction (sims and other), scuba dive, play board games, downhill ski, do amateur carpentry. I did some glassblowing in my 20s, and I’m finally getting a chance to take lessons! I do not specialize well. I also played the viola as a serious amateur. I bought a guitar and am going to try to learn to play so that I can sing and accompany myself.

Do you have any pets? One cat, down from 3 cats. Also one corn snake.

How tall are you? 5′4″ or 162 cm.

Fave subject in school? History, I think?

Dream job? I’m not sure all the stuff I’d want to do in a career can be digested down to 1 job. I’m pretty close to it at the moment, though. I write educational software on a small very family-like team at a university. Sometimes I fantasize about quitting and doing something with game modding that could somehow be profitable, but I’m sure if that were actually possible, I’d end up hating it because my hobby would then be my job.

Eye color? I have the exact eye color @zosa95 described in her reply to this meme.

It feels good to be tagged, but I still have this weirdo anxiety about tagging people. Plus this has mostly made the rounds. I’ll try @withlovefromayre, @declaration-of-dramas

#echoweaver #non-sims #memes

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comfybirb · 2 months ago

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Dream Diary: Mall Madness - Sunglasses, Cards, and Cheesy Mashed Potatoes

last night’s dream took me to a shopping mall on a bright, sunny day. one of the first things i did was buy a pair of sunglasses—blue-framed, pretty ugly, and way overpriced at $30 given their flimsy plastic construction. for some reason, i was also wearing a red baseball cap backward, which added to the odd look. as i went inside, i passed what looked like a starbucks, but their menu included ice cream. just past that was a bank of vending machines, and then i found myself deeper into the mall at a game shop holding a trading card tournament. i was there to play, but the details of the game were hazy. at one point, my deck got shuffled together with my opponent’s deck intentionally, but since his cards were in blue or yellow sleeves and mine were red, it wasn’t hard to separate them again. i woke up shortly after entering the store, with no memory of the game’s outcome.

when i fell back asleep, i picked up where i left off—on my way out of the mall. i stopped by the starbucks, and an employee recognized me, saying, “vanilla bean frap?” (my favorite irl). while waiting in line, two notable things happened. first, a late-teen boy commented that backward baseball caps were out of style and offered to adjust mine. he loosened the band and put it back on slightly cocked to the right. i thanked him, and he said “nbd” before leaving. he wasn’t particularly remarkable except for wearing a white ball cap, a red-and-white basketball jersey, and matching red shorts.

the second thing was less pleasant. while waiting, i reached into my pocket for the sunglasses i’d bought earlier and found them broken—a mistake i’ve made irl way too many times. i couldn’t help but feel annoyed, but at least it was on-brand for how those flimsy shades were destined to end.

on my way out of the mall, i passed that same bank of vending machines. one in particular caught my attention—it sold squeeze pouches of cheesy mashed potatoes. curiosity got the better of me, so i bought one, but i woke up before i could actually try it. honestly, it seemed like it would’ve been gross, but i guess i’ll never know.

#dreamlog #weird-dreams #shoppingmall #starbucks #tradingcards #subconscious #malladventure #nostalgia #vendingmachines #dreamlife #curiosity

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sexwithamanda · 5 months ago

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Life just gets better

Episode #81624

So yes, I finally did it.

And by it, I mean I got unlimited data.

I kept thinking that it was going to be so much money that I wasn’t going to spend that much, wow am I dumb, because my plan is now ONLY $10 more and it’s unlimited.

Why did I ever do this to myself????

But maybe I should add that I was in NYC and my dad asked me to look up an Uber and I literally had to tell him I had no data to look it up.

My phone was spinning.

We are all now on the bus back to Jersey and I used my slow ass data to buy my now unlimited plan starting from right now.

I can’t believe that I waited so long. Literally 8 years.

I’ve had the same plan forever. I just stayed that way because I was familiar with it.

But as of recent I’ve just been blessed with so many beautiful things and I can’t fathom how lucky I am.

I didn’t even have the time really to go on vacation, and then it appeared.

I got to try a place that my dad has been talking to me about since I was like 9 years old and I TRIED it the minute I landed in jersey.

My family is some of the best parts of me and oh my god so is my boyfriend, he takes care of me so good and I can’t thank him enough or appreciate him enough for all he does for me.

The backpack I used for my trip, he got me, my favorite earrings (that literally don’t hurt when I do anything) he got me, and he drove me to the airport BUT he first got me my matcha latte for the hour long drive.

Sometimes I just want to document in this lifetime the blessings that I’ve been so fortunate to have.

My parents took me out, my dad, then my mom.

Then my cousin bought me a ticket to go on the edge.

My cousin bought us lunch, he paid for every single taxi cab drive we went on together (which altogether well over $150.)

The bus for us to leave NYC, it was supposed to leave at 4:30 we got here at 4:33, the luck doesn’t end.

My freaking unlimited plan went through when it said I used 100% of my data.

Just can’t fathom how blessed I am, and BY FAR ONE OF THE MOST COOLEST things I had the pleasure to see today is the St. Patrick’s Cathedral, it’s the largest Cathedral in the country, let alone one of the biggest in the country!!!!

AND RIGHT BEFORE COMING IN MY AUNT FOUND OUT SHE HER CANCEROUS TUMOR SHRUNK!!!

It fucking shrunk! THANK YOU GOD!

idk bro just feel so great, and the more that im with my dad in the city the more i understand that he’s definitely apart of my identity and the way i am the way i am.

I can talk to anyone. literally anyone.

and I have him to thank for that.

I do believe my extensive research in psychology helps but wow, what a life I get to live.

Thank you manifestation, god, people, and everything in between for making me so blessed.

Mahal Kita!!!!! ✨🫶🏻

Amanda

just a girl who is happy to exist.

#blog #love #kindness #boyfriend #filipino #life #short stories #lifestyle #nyclife #st patrick's cathedral #blessed #thankful #unlimited #money #wealth #happy

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tohokuu · 1 year ago

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Girl why even ask just post it !!! Ofc we wan hear

LOL OKAY SO on friday he took me to gordon ramsay’s restaurant on the wharf and then yesterday he took me to the air and space museum.

he knows i love f1 and cars so he apparently did some research and surprised me with the car exhibits 😭

i’ve been on his ass recently abt not planning dates and he took that as a challenge ig 💀

and then he kept making fun of me.

“bAbE yOu nEvEr pLaN anY dAteS fOr uS. yeah, cus a real man don’t plan, he js do”

“see, i did my research before i brought you. i wasn’t gon take you nowhere you ain’t like.”

😭 like okay sir i gET IT.

and after that he spent 300 dollars at capitol one on tickets and food for a hockey game 😭 he got us seats really close to the glass so i could see all the players faces and everything. it was my first ever professional sports game so that was amazing and we were also wearing matching jerseys. he wore an ovechkin jersey and i wore a kuzzie jersey but i was sad cus the caps lost 3-2 in the LAST 10 SECONDS OF OVERTIME but its okay 💔

also i walk slow bc i have little legs so he grabbed tightly onto my waist and steered me around… like i was js walking and he was standing behind me w his hands tightly on my waist js pushing me where to go bitch i was GIGGLING TO MYSELF

and then he bought me ice cream and we took a ride back to the station and fucked the soul out of me. i can write abt that if y’all want 😭

#hades asks {💡}

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casicroaks · 1 year ago

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Tiffany Valentine has two things in her mind: love and murder. The origins of the brains behind the infamous Lakeshore Strangler and the string of broken hearts she left along her way to Chicago, interwoven with the development of the tempestuous relationship between her and a certain Charles Lee Ray.

CHAPTER 8

[ CHAPTER 1 // CHAPTER 2 // CHAPTER 3 // CHAPTER 4 // CHAPTER 5 // CHAPTER 6 // CHAPTER 7 // CHAPTER 8 // CHAPTER 9 // CHAPTER 10 // CHAPTER 11 // CHAPTER 12 // CHAPTER 13 // CHAPTER 14 // CHAPTER 15 // CHAPTER 16 ]

NEW JERSEY, 1985

Halloween was just around the bend and, for the first time in almost a decade, I had an invitation to celebrate it. Molly had heard from a friend about a costume party taking place at a bar downtown, and she had told me she would love for me to come. She had even told me I could bring a plus one, so I was even more excited to break the news to Chucky. Certainly, I didn’t know whether he would even want to go, but in any case, I was thrilled –and I was going, no doubt about it.

“You already know what you’re gonna go as?” I asked Molly that Sunday, while wandering around the stores already all decked out in their best spooky décor.

“As a witch,” she said with a shrug. “Like every Halloween. This year I’ve thought of changing things up, painting myself green and going as that one hag from ‘The Wizard Of Oz’… but I guess there’s a reason my younger brother was terrified of her for years.”

I laughed. “What, is your brother coming to the party too?”

“No, I mean…” She rolled her eyes and made a hand gesture. “I don’t think guys will find me particularly ravishing when we step out of the dance floor and onto the street to suddenly realize they’ve been making out with a woman slathered in paint.”

“Well, that’s their problem, not yours.”

Molly laughed as well. “So, what about you?”

“Vampire queen,” I said proudly. “I’d really love to dress up as Elvira, you know, from TV?”

“Yes, of course I know who Elvira is!”

“The problem is getting a good wig…”

“Bah, that’s not really an issue –you work at a hair salon, for God’s sake!” Molly said. “Even though I’m great at styling wigs I’m pretty bad at applying acrylic nails… I’m used to working with my hands.”

We got inside a little shop Molly said she bought almost her entire wardrobe in. There was a holiday sale, and it was crawling with people, all of them clearly knowing that the place was their best bet for creepy fashion garments to build up their costumes.

“Do you think Elvira did rip off Vampira?” Molly asked me, tossing me several black dresses to choose from. “Assuming you know who Vampira is.”

“Of course I know who Vampira is,” I said, almost buried in the growing pile. “I think the more the merrier. Besides, Vampira, Elvira, Morticia, Lily Munster –they’re all rather similar anyways.”

“Oh –Lily Munster, that’d be a good Halloween costume too,” she said with a big smile, briefly distracted by a display of metallic belts.

I put the pile down for a moment, on a nearby velvet chair, and examined each dress while Molly went to look for accessories. It had to be something I liked and would wear, but not something that I’d get too attached to and would be sad to put under the needle of my sewing machine. All of the dresses were pretty, but none were exactly what I was looking for. I had to settle for a simple one with bell sleeves, which all it was really needing were some snips and slits to get to look just right.

I turned around and sighed, watching Molly’s tall, backcombed black hair bobbing in the crowd, as she continued her search for some baubles with which to adorn what was otherwise a pretty plain costume.

“I’ve decided I’m gonna ask Annie to dress up as the Good Witch of the North,” she declared, now carrying several jingling bangles in her wrists. “At least so she doesn’t come as a cat again. Cats aren’t scary…”

It was Molly’s turn to go through the pile of dresses. I watched her in silence, thinking about when I had gone to see that Madonna movie with Annie. Now, I had the feeling Molly’s tastes were probably closer to my own.

“Hey, uh, there’s this movie that came out last week,” I commented, once Molly seemed satisfied with her choice. “Fright Night—”

“Ah, yes, I’ve been itching to check it out!”

“What’d you say, if we go watch it next week?” I said with a shrug and a smile.

“Sure!”

I smiled even wider. Last time it had been Annie who had asked me to go to the cinema, since another friend of hers couldn’t make it. It had been a good time, but as kind as Annie was, I could tell we didn’t have that much in common besides being coworkers. Inviting Molly to come along with me, though, and having her accept, felt like a real confirmation of us being friends, or at least friendly enough. It was just the polite thing to do after she suggested I come to the Halloween party; but still, I did like that warm feeling of knowing that maybe this could be the beginning of a true friendship.

“You know, Tiffany,” Molly said with a little smile, getting in line to pay. “If I had known you were so cool, I’d have started talking to you sooner.”

I looked down at the long black dress I had picked. Whose fault was it, that she didn’t know how cool I was earlier?

“Oh –very important –you know how to make fake blood?” Molly asked me.

“Fake blood?”

“Yes, with corn syrup. For your vampire costume.”

“Oh, um, no…”

“No worries. I used to be quite the go-getter back at community theater. Makeup, costuming, set designing sometimes… Guess that explains a lot about me.”

I laughed. “Alright, you teach me how to make blood, I can teach you how to make really good fake nails for your witch costume.”

“Deal.”

We both repressed a grin and shook hands in mock seriousness. The line was moving slowly. I gave the dress another look, up and down and around, just to make sure I had made a good choice.

“… Why didn’t you or Annie ever talk to me before, though?” I asked her.

“We did!” she replied with a frown. “We invited you to stuff, to go out for drinks after work –but you always said you were busy. And besides, you always seemed so bitter and upset over your breakup, even after we gave you that makeover to try and cheer you up…”

I touched my now-blonde curls. The red had washed off completely, and I was back to bleached. It had been gradual, over the course of a few months, with just a decision to stop dyeing it crimson: but one morning I had looked at myself at the bathroom mirror, and saw the same happy moonstruck girl that had fallen in love last time. It was nice to see my reflection so happy again, and yet I was unnerved by remembering how that had turned out…

Molly smiled at me again. “Anyway, I am glad you’re feeling better now, though.”

I smiled back at her, hoping I looked thankful enough, and made an effort to push those gloomy thoughts off my mind, at least long enough so I could enjoy myself on the shopping trip with my newly appointed friend. All I needed was a distraction. And, thankfully, once I got back home, I had my baby to keep me distracted.

“Honey, I’m home!” I said in a sing-song voice, locking the door and kicking my heels off. “You here?”

He didn’t answer, but I saw his mop of dark hair hanging by the armrest of our little couch. That was what we had forgotten about, that time we went to the Ikea. We really needed an actual lounging chair, or something, so we could watch TV without having to find complicated ways to drape ourselves over that sorry excuse of a sofa.

“I got news!” I continued saying in a lilt, with a big smile, raising the bag with my purchases. “One of my coworkers told me about this Halloween party at The Raven’s Nest –a costume party! So we went buying things for our costumes…” I pulled the long black dress from the bag, dropping it and unfolding the garment for Chucky to see. “I got this on sale, isn’t it perfect? Though I’m planning to do some modifications…”

I waited for him to say something. He blew some smoke, still looking at the TV, which I then realized was not even on. A few seconds passed, in which none of us said anything. I finally huffed, losing my smile.

“You can at least pretend to be excited, you know,” I grumbled, folding the dress and stuffing it back in the bag. “I was thinking of inviting you to be my plus one, though I don’t think I’d want you to come along if you’re gonna go as Oscar the goddamn Grouch.”

He snorted a laugh, but didn’t do anything else. Typical of him.

“Alright, that’s enough. Why the silent treatment?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

Chucky finally turned towards me, giving me a look as if he had just realized I was there. “I just thought you’d be home by now, that’s all.”

“Geez, do I need to tell you when I go out and when I don’t, now? What are you, my mom?”

He took a drag and grumbled something under his breath. “What’s for dinner?”

I huffed. “I don’t know. See if there’s some leftovers in the fridge that we could heat up.”

“You could have brought something, since you were out shopping…”

“I was out with a friend,” I said, crossing my arms. “And the H-Mart isn’t exactly a hot spot, I gotta say. Not that you would know –you probably haven’t stepped into one in your life.”

At least before he met me, Chucky had a pretty shitty diet, consisting mostly of fast food and drugstore snacks. It was a miracle he was so skinny –though there was also the fact that he often forgot to eat his meals. He simply wasn’t hungry until he was reminded of it, for some weird reason. And, when he was hungry, he was usually straight-up starving. And an empty stomach didn’t help with a bad mood.

“There’s a food court at the mall, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he said. “People go there to eat, sometimes. You can even bring boxes of the stuff back with you! Does that ring a bell?”

I closed my hand in a fist. I had grown pretty thick skin over the years, but something that always particularly irritated me was when someone treated me like I was stupid. Of course, Chucky knew that very well. “Excuse me if I wasn’t feeling like having that crappy cardboard pizza again.”

After a whole afternoon of being out and about, I needed some coffee, pronto. Unlike Chucky who, despite everything, could be pretty fussy at times, I knew that a good quick rinse of hot water was enough to get the grime off old used coffee mugs –dirty dishes and cutlery were a different matter, of course, since they accumulated grease and crumbs –but with mugs and glasses, one could be a bit more forgiving. At its most difficult, the worst stain a glass could have was lipstick. I fished the mug that I always used, one that Chucky had gifted me for our first Valentine’s Day. It was the cutest thing, a creamy white with a fluffy grey cartoon kitten drawn on the side in the style of those pretty Hallmark card illustrations, a big blue bow tied around her neck. He had told me he had thought of getting me earrings or something like that at first, but that when he saw it at the store it reminded him of me, and that he liked to think it matched with his own Garfield mug. I still think it was the sweetest, most adorable present anyone has ever given me for Valentine’s. At the sight of it, I smiled a little, against my best efforts to stay angry.

“Where’s the sugar?” I asked out loud, opening the sugar bowl in the cabinet and finding it empty.

Chucky shrugged. “How should I know? Guess it would have been nice if you bought some on your way back, huh?”

“Don’t you work at a goddamn store?” I asked, slamming the cabinet door for emphasis. “Why don’t you take care of groceries for a change?”

“It’s a convenience store, not a grocery store!” he claimed. “And you’re the one who’s always saying we should eat healthier. What’d you want me to do, bring home a bag of Cheetos for dinner?”

“You know, it’d be something!”

“It’s not my fault you’re the one who knows how to cook,” he said, crossing his arms like a sulky brat.

“You can make a grilled cheese,” I replied. “You’re not that clueless around the kitchen.”

“There’s no cheese,” he said, pointing at the fridge.

“Then make scrambled eggs! Improvise!”

“I thought you liked cooking!”

I scoffed. “Like my mother used to say, ‘there’s such a thing as too much of a good thing’. Just because I like cooking doesn’t mean I dream of being chained to a stove for the rest of my damn life.”

“Jesus, you’re so dramatic…”

“I’d like to see you do it every single day, and then try and call me dramatic!”

He rolled his eyes at me. I think that was the last straw. I could reply to his teasing and his bitching, but when he decided that he had had enough, that I was the one being ridiculous, and that he wouldn’t even argue with me anymore –when I was clearly in the right –and assume a silent victory –that was when I would lose it.

“For God’s sake, I do everything here –I cook, I clean, I work the most hours –what do you do?” I yelled and stomped, demanding his attention. “You don’t even chip in! You just slack around, doing nothing—”

“Oh, sure, it’s really clear how much you’re breaking your damn back!” he yelled back at me, gesturing towards the sink, where the dirty dishes had begun to pile up. “And that’s without even mentioning the dirty laundry that’s begun to stink up the bedroom!”

I laughed out loud. “These are your dirty socks, baby! I should know –I’m the one who’s left having to darn them!” I cried. “Besides, you said you’d take it to the laundromat! You promised!”

“And I’ll do it—!”

“When? Huh? When?”

“I’ll –I’ll do it, eventually!” he stammered. “Right about when you wash one damn dish! I always have to end up doing it!”

“I’m the one who cooks here –it’s just fair that you at the very least help out with that! Like my mother always said—”

“Shut up with your goddamn mother’s sayings!” he yelled, covering his ears with his hands. “You’re fucking insufferable! It’s all bitching from you, twenty-four-seven!”

“Oh, so says Mister Happy Camper!”

“Aw, go get fucked, Tiff,” he said finally, opening his eyes wide and furious, in that way he did when he was about to lose whatever patience he had left. “Maybe that way you’ll loosen the fuck up!”

What could I even say to that? I was left speechless. Chucky had cursed me out a couple times before, so it wasn’t like it was unprecedented or out of nowhere; but it always felt like a particularly hurtful thing to do. I wished I had something half as hurtful to hurl back.

“How dare you speak to me like that!?” With everything that I did for him! “God, you can be so… So immature!”

He let out a mighty cackle. “Oh, I know you are… But what am I?”

I opened my mouth, but I didn’t have a reply. I knew that he’d just repeat that over and over, I knew him well enough to know that he had no shame to do such a thing. And, knowing he had won the argument by default, Chucky laughed at me, triumphant.

“Shut up! Shut up for once!” I yelled. He kept laughing, and laughing, and laughing… And I finally let out a scream, as loud as I could, loud enough to be louder than him, and in my anger I slammed my hands against the counter—

We both went quiet. We both looked down. My favorite mug laid shattered and in pieces, some still trembling on the counter, others in a brown puddle on the floor. The kitten’s face was cracked in half, still more or less recognizable as part of the ceramic puzzle. But it was certainly not just a little chip on the side.

“Sheesh.”

I brought my hands, holding the larger pieces, closer to my face. And I began sobbing. I wished I could say it was just out of anger, like I sometimes do when I get too mad; but I was truly sad, I can’t deny it. I really loved that mug.

Chucky clicked his tongue. “Come on, Tiff, it’s just a mug…” he said, rubbing my shoulder. “It’s no big deal. I’ll get you another one, an even nicer one.”

“It’s not just a mug!” I snapped, shrugging his hand off me, and a tear rolled down my cheek. “It’s the one you gifted me. For Valentine’s…”

“Well… You glue together dolls, right? China dolls?” he asked, and pointed to the collection on the mantle. “Aren’t china dolls and mugs made out of more or less the same thing?”

I wiped my runny nose. “Yeah… I guess.”

“So, you can put it back together,” Chucky said. He cupped my cheek with his hand, and wiped a tear away with his thumb. “Babe, come on, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

I sighed, exhausted at him and at myself, and leaned my head against his chest.

“… You know, I just miss you all the time, when you’re away,” I said to his heart. “When I have to be alone here.”

Chucky put his hand on my shoulder, stroking it gently, and slowly moved away to kneel and pick up the pieces of my mug. I kneeled too, and picked a few myself, careful not to get a cut.

“I miss you too.”

That’s all I wanted to hear. I just wanted to make sure he still loved me.

“Look, I’m… I’m sorry for not helping around,” he finally said, dropping the pieces on a little blue dish by the coffeepot.

“I’m sorry for not being around as often,” I said, dropping mine along.

“Is this gonna change anything?”

I looked up at him. Chucky kept his sights square on the blue dish, staring down the pieces I was going to have to glue back together. I wondered if he was really thinking about getting me a new one. A fixed mug might still be pretty leaky, after all. Still, even with one exactly like it, it wouldn’t be the same.

“No… No, probably not,” I admitted with a little chuckle. “I don’t think so.”

He gave me one of his half-smiles. “Yeah, I don’t think so either.”

We both chuckled bitterly, looking down at the now-cold puddle of coffee at our feet, and we sighed.

“Know what?” he said suddenly. “I think I still have an old werewolf mask I wore for a few Halloweens, back when I was a kid.”

I smiled. “You think it’ll still fit you and your big dumb head?”

He snickered. “I haven’t changed that much since then.”

“Boy, don’t I know that.”

He laughed. I giggled along, wiping away my last tears. It made no sense to argue so much, especially over such silly things. But we still did it, and it didn’t last long, but we could really hurt each other. Even if we managed to forget about it, I still had to wonder how much I could take before I really snapped. Or, on the other hand, how much Chucky could take himself, before he lost all patience with me.

As long as we loved each other, though, I had to believe that everything would be alright.

“Got any money left from your shopping trip?” Chucky asked, picking up the tie he had left hanging from the chair.

“Yeah, a couple bucks…”

“Ah, never mind that,” he said, tying the knot of his tie around his neck. “I’m treating us both to dinner tonight. What’re you in the mood for?”

I tapped my chin with the tip of my finger, pretending to give it some deep thought. “… Remember that little Italian place by Franklin Avenue, with the great food and the awful service?”

Chucky grinned, circling his arm around my waist and pulling me to him. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”

I laughed, pulling him by his shirt collar for a kiss. “Let me put on my shoes and we’ll get going.”

“Don’t forget about your switchblade,” he said, putting on his coat. “I’m not sharing my knife again.”

“That was just one time! I never even take it out of my bag,” I exclaimed, holding onto his shoulder for balance and squeezing my feet into the heels. “And sharing won’t kill you, you know?”

He rolled his eyes. I huffed, but decided not to keep at it. It was nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a good meal and some fun for dessert.

“Ready to blow off some steam?” he asked with the keys in one hand, the other stretched out to me, his fingers twitching and hurrying me.

I nodded, skipping towards him, and grabbed his hand. I noticed there was a quiet buzzing in the air. I saw, just before we closed the door and left the apartment in the dark, a big fat fly hovering around the sink.

As we walked back home that night, hand in hand, sticky with strawberry ice cream and warm blood, I had the brilliant idea to suggest we played a few rounds of poker so we could decide who was gonna do the dishes, at least for the month. Chucky accepted, obviously; he never refused a game or a dare. He was quite better at it than I had expected, though of course, even as I turned a blind eye to a couple cards, I ended up winning by a landslide. He did manage to convince me to be the one to dry and put it all back into the cabinets, and, for extra measure, he also threw in a deal that he would choose what we had for dinner for the next two months or so. He already kind of did, though, so I didn’t mind much. So, while Chucky scrubbed the grease off the spoons, I dried what he had cleaned and put it back into the cabinets. When we worked together, it didn’t feel like the daunting mountain of waste it always seemed to be. If only we could find a way to keep it up, just like when, once in a blue moon, he would help me cook by chopping garlic and onions (since, for God knows what reason, he was the only person I had ever met who somehow didn’t tear up), I knew we could be so much happier together.

Not that happiness was in short supply that month, certainly.

I was really excited for the Halloween party, of course, but it wasn’t the only reason for celebration that month: our anniversary was coming up, too. Sitting on the kitchen table, with the TV keeping me company the Thursdays-to-Saturdays evenings in which I was home alone, I glued my mug back together in parts, building it up over the days, waiting patiently for the glue to dry fully before adding the next batch of pieces, while thinking about what we should do to observe the occasion. I considered booking us a table at some fancy restaurant, or preparing a picnic at Foschini Park, before finally deciding that it would be much nicer to just spend the day by ourselves at our apartment, enjoying a good homecooked dinner and each other’s company. I certainly liked big gestures, like last Valentine’s Day, in which Chucky got us a room at a swanky hotel; but sometimes smaller things were wonderful, too.

I prepared Swedish meatballs, his favorite, to eat along with that type of ribbon-like, flat wide pasta noodles, my favorite. Something wonderful about cooking was how the place would warm up, how it made what was otherwise our little, rather messy apartment, into something that felt much like a home. The water had already boiled and I had strained the pasta, now waiting in the pot to be served, while the sauce was bubbling and simmering on the stove. While he set the table, I changed into my nightdress and fixed my hair in front of the bedroom mirror, humming to myself.

“Don’t let the sauce burn, hun,” I called, breaking the silence.

“Alright…”

I took one last drag of the cigarette on our dresser, turning my head to see how my hair was looking. It was a truly lovely afternoon. The sun was setting, the last light of the day was streaming through the windows, and he was choosing a record to put on.

“I’m not in the mood for Alice Cooper again,” I said out loud, carefully taking out my curlers. “Put something else—”

Right on cue, Robert Plant’s wails came to me from the living room. I smiled. I left the pins on the box and walked in to have a better listen –and Chucky surprised me from the other side of the doorframe and hugged me from behind, picking me up and spinning around, and I let out a happy little squeal, grabbing onto his arms, before he lowered me back onto the floor. I leaned my head back, and he swayed his head to the music, mouthing the words against my cheek.

“I said, I can't quit you, babe…” I sang along. He laid a little kiss under my jaw. “I guess I got to put you down for a while…”

“Good choice?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, stroking his face. “Good choice.”

“This was my first record,” he said. I turned around just enough to shoot him a curious glance. “The oldest one.”

“Figures,” I said, closing my eyes. “I can imagine you so clearly… A little boy, having his whole world rocked, listening to this for the first time.”

Much like the books on his shelf, the record sleeve was so worn and cracked, and there was so much age and scrapes on the record itself, it made perfect sense it had some real nostalgic value. I wanted to ask him if it had been back when he lived with his family, or when he was already an orphan, living with other kids. Maybe a schoolfriend had come over and brought the record. Maybe it was a gift from his parents. Maybe an older kid at the orphanage had smuggled it in, and all the other children gathered round like they were listening to horror stories around a campfire, mesmerized by this hot new music, unlike anything they had experienced before.

I imagined that was probably a lot like what his first time had been like. A normal setting, a daily situation, interrupted by something life-changing.

“A year already…” I said, turning around to face him and resting my arms on his shoulders. “It’s amazing how time flies, huh?”

He nodded, his smile just the littlest bit weaker. I noticed it, though.

“What’s wrong?”

“… Is something burning?”

“Oh –shit.”

Chucky laughed while I ran to the stove to turn it off, and quickly checked on the tomato sauce.

“I told you to watch it,” I said, clicking my tongue. “Anyway –it’s done.”

“Good, good…” he chuckled, as I came back from the kitchen. “Hey, Tiff,” He took a paper-wrapped object out of his pocket. “This little toy seems to have your name on it.”

“Oh?” I perked up. “For me? What is it?”

Chucky grinned and tossed it at me. I caught it and ripped the paper as quick as I could. It was an absolutely beautiful nail file, shiny and silver, with a sharp edge on the side, sharp enough to slice. I gasped in delight, running the edge of it against my thumb, making the thinnest, most delicate cut, enough to break skin but not enough to draw blood. Beautiful. And miles better than my old rusty switchblade.

“Happy one year, babe,” he said, wrapping an arm around me and planting a kiss on my temple.

“Oh, Chucky… I love it,” I said, trying it out, filing one of my chipped nails. It was pretty good –heavy duty. With a bit of care, it should last me quite some time. “It’s exactly what I was needing.”

“It’s not the same as stabbing, you know,” Chucky commented. “But throat slicing’s an art you already master, after all.”

“Flatterer,” I said, turning my eyes towards him, pressing the nail file against my lips, feeling its perfect metal coldness, before smiling again and giving him a smooch. “It’s the perfect gift, darling.”

This reminded me of my own purchase. Giving him another quick little peck and slipping the nail file under the elastic of my stocking for safekeeping, I hurried back towards the doorway, where the coatrack was and where I hang my jackets and my black leather bag.

“I like to think that today’s special dinner is my present, but… I also got you this little something.”

I pulled a bag out of my jacket pocket, and carefully handed it to him. Chucky glanced at me, curious and excited, before opening the little colorful plastic bag and peeking inside. His reaction though, was, let’s say, underwhelming. He frowned, in what seemed to be confusion. For a moment I wondered if it had broken when I had brought it home.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“You tell me…”

“Well, take it out!” I chuckled. “Take a good look at it!”

Chucky picked it out from the bag and held it carefully in the palm of his hand. I smiled at the sight of it. It was this cute little porcelain clown doll, in a yellow outfit and hat, with little bells sewn to the tips of his shoes. It had this cheeky grin painted on, and half-closed eyes looking sideways, as if he knew some sort of naughty secret.

“Isn’t he the cutest?”

He kept examining it for a few seconds more –I swear, he just wanted to mess with me –but finally he let out a snicker. “It’s… Yeah. It’s the cutest little bastard of your collection so far.”

“My collection?” I repeated, putting my hands over his. “This one’s yours, sweetface…”

He shot me a confused look. “Really?”

I laughed. “Of course! It’s your present!”

“Oh… Okay,” he said, turning it around again. “Uh… Well, y’know, I have no idea what I should do with it. You’re the one who puts them around, sets them in their place…”

“Well, this one’s yours, so you get to decide all that.”

“Huh…” he muttered, inspecting the toy again, as if waiting for it to do a dance or say a joke or something. I began to wonder if it had been a good idea in the first place.

“Don’t… Don’t you like it?” I asked him.

“Yes, I do, Tiff, it’s just that… I don’t know –what am I supposed to do with a weird little clown?”

“Don’t I ask myself that question every other day,” I joked. He rolled his eyes. “You can just keep him around, like with any other toy. You can put it on the shelf with the rest of them, or you can put him in the closet to look after your shirts, or in the kitchen cabinet so he can watch out for rats—”

“Well, he looks pretty fragile,” he said. “Bet a determined rat could do a number on him.”

“Maybe he’s tougher than he seems,” I shrugged. “What would you name him?”

Chucky looked up at me, then back at the little clown. I could see how his face lit up as he was coming up with an idea. And, finally, he smiled. “I’ll keep him on the nightstand. He can watch over us… And we can call him Peeping Tommy.”

I burst out laughing. “Oh, so he’s an impish little one!”

“I bet he is,” he grinned. “Bet all the things he does when we’re not looking—”

“So, you do like it,” I said brightly. “I’m so glad.”

“Yeah, I like it… It’s just a really fucking weird gift, is the thing, Tiff.”

“What would you have liked, then?” I asked him, raising my eyebrows, while he leaned to the side and left little Tommy on the coffee table, next to the heart-shaped ashtray. “So I know what to be on the lookout for by Christmas.”

Chucky simply shrugged. “I don’t know… A pack of gum. A tie clip. A ham sandwich… Really, Tiff, I’m not that hard to buy for.”

“Alright, then,” I said with a laugh. “We’re gonna have the best ham sandwiches available for our Christmas dinner.”

“That’d be just terrific,” Chucky smiled, and kissed me again.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. As we kissed, deeper and deeper, as his hand got closer and closer to the nail file on my thigh, my unfocused thoughts went to how full he made me feel, how I had never fit somewhere as perfectly as I did in his arms, how after a year, regardless of how short or how long a time it had felt, there was this knowledge that this was the love I was searching for, the only love in which I felt myself. Whoever I was when I was with him, it was the closest thing to a real me than there ever was. I think that back when we first met, when Chucky held the back of my neck and a butcher knife over my head, and I smiled at him and welcomed it, that was the first time I felt I was truly understood. I held him tighter, pressing myself against him fully, wanting to lose myself in him, all the while needing to breathe and needing the kiss to last a little longer. A year was not enough –I needed a lifetime. God, I wanted to be the one to bury him so badly. I wanted him to be the one to bury me.

“Did you ever think we’d end up like this?” I asked him, breaking the kiss, almost in a whisper. “A whole year together?”

“Did you?”

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

I scoffed, wiping his lips with the tip of my fingers –he had my lipstick all over his mouth, like a big red stain. Chucky scrunched his nose, playfully dodging my hand. “I think… I did. You know, I’d almost given up on dating by the time I met you. I had this really clear image in my mind, when I was a kid… Of this beautiful home, and this beautiful spouse, and these beautiful children, and this fairytale life… It was as if everything I did was just killing time till that dream came true. And then, then I had my last breakup,” I sighed.

He smiled proudly. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, good for you, asshole, but back then I was devastated.”

“Good thing nobody ever broke up with me, then.”

“Nobody ever broke up with me either,” I pointed out. “That didn’t mean it was any easier on me. I was so hopeless, I felt like giving up completely.”

He frowned, still smiling. “Really? What were you gonna do with your life, then, before meeting me?”

I shrugged, clicking my nails. “I don’t know… Guess I was aimless. What about you? Did you have a plan?”

“No… Never,” he replied. I should have imagined it. “Like I told you, Tiff, best thing you can do is live for the day,” Chucky insisted, laying his hands on my shoulders. “You gotta get some fun out of life. Don’t you know? Every day above ground is a good day.”

“You ever thought of becoming a motivational speaker? You’d make a fortune,” I joked. “Back when I lived for the day, it felt more like I was chasing an early grave.”

“Guess that’s part of the fun,” Chucky said, looking away from my face and playing with one of my curlers. I tried to slap his hand off, but he laughed and kept trying to pull one off my hair. “The closest you are to the edge…”

“Guess you’re right,” I said. And I smiled to myself, thinking back of how we met. “Guess I’m the one who knows that best.”

“Bet you are.”

“Stop it,” I said, though I did let out a little giggle when he finally managed to pull a curler off, letting down a thick curl of bleached hair over my face. Chucky laughed too, tucking it away from over my eyes and to the back of my head.

“Don’t overthink it, Tiff. You overthink it, you drain all the fun from it. You’re thinking about what you should have done better, what you should have done instead… As long as you’re in control of the situation, what the hell does it matter?”

“Right,” I remembered his gift, the nail file that I had safely stored in my stocking, and pulled it out, holding it between our faces. “Can’t fear death when you’re the one holding the knife.”

Leaning forward just a bit, I ran the dull side of the file across his face, using the hooked end of it to pull a strand of hair off his face, just like he had done with mine. He stayed still, perfectly still, looking down at my lips, allowing me to stroke his cheek with his gift.

“Live for the day… That’s a good philosophy,” I whispered. I wondered if he was at the very least a little afraid of me right then. If he was, he was really good at not showing it. “What do you live for, Chucky?”

He took a deep breath and thought about it for a second. “I think… I live for that small moment of recognition just before someone’s killed. You know what they say, about your life flashing before your eyes… I think that’s bullshit. I think that the last thing passing through someone’s mind is the realization that there is no way out of this. That you are completely powerless to save yourself.”

Pontificating again. Sometimes I wondered if Chucky ever wanted to be a preacher. Or a Bond villain.

“And you like that?” I had never really cared about whatever went through people’s last moments. I just found their dying, oh-shit faces hilarious.

“I love that,” he smiled. But then he thought it over. “… I love when that happens to someone else.”

I wanted to ask him, is that why he didn’t kill me, that night when we first met? Did I not have that look in my eyes when he threatened me with that knife? Was that why he spared me? But I thought of a better, more straightforward question. One I didn’t quite remember having ever asked him before.

“Why didn’t you kill me?” I asked him, lowering my nail file. “Yet, at least.”

Chucky frowned, his hands holding my hips just a little bit tighter, pulling me closer. “Well, why didn’t you kill me either? God knows you had your fair share of chances.”

I laughed out loud. Certainly, right then and there, I was holding a sharp object dangerously close to his neck. One he had handed me himself, no less. “Isn’t it obvious? Because I—”

But I stopped myself right there. I usually don’t even think about it, when I tell someone I love them. And, besides, we had been a full year together. Still, even though I was sure I had told him, probably more than once, at some point or another, that I loved him, something made me change my mind at the last second.

“… Because I have fun with you.”

Chucky shrugged. “Same back at you.”

That felt good enough. I grinned and pressed my forehead against his, closing my eyes, focusing on the music, on the pressure of his body against mine. We both swayed to the music, kind of like dancing, softly, holding each other close. I wondered why I couldn’t just say it, that I loved him, right then and there. Maybe it was because I knew he knew already. He had to know –I showed him so every single day we were together.

“If you killed me, how would you do it?” I asked quietly. “Top three ways, don’t think too hard about it, just go.”

“Oh, um…!” He threw his head back, going through what was probably a list he already had made up in his mind. “Electrocution, because that’s always a blast… Second, maybe a classic stabbing –or maybe hanging –no, definitely, stabbing’s better—” I rolled my eyes with a little laugh. Of course he would go with stabbing. “… And I’ve always wanted to try splitting someone with an axe or something like that, right down the middle. See what’s inside.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So, being an axe murderer is still on your to-do list?”

“Yeah,” he sighed longingly. “Someday, I know it.” Having said that, Chucky pulled aside a strand of hair that I hadn’t managed to wrap around my curlers. “What about you, Tiff? How would you kill me?”

“Do I have to answer?” I asked him back with a little grin. “After all, now I got a heads up on what you might try to pull on me.”

“Yes, you have to answer,” he insisted. “I already told you mine, now you gotta tell me yours, it’s only fair—”

“Alright, alright,” I huffed, and looked up at the ceiling like he had done. “Hmm…” I did have to think it over. Chucky had obviously just listed the things he wanted to do and hadn’t had a chance yet. But I wanted mine to be more personal. “… I always thought maiming was an interesting approach.”

“C’mon, that’s not a real way to kill someone—”

“Yes, it is! If you make them bleed out—”

“But then that’d be death by blood loss,” he pointed out. “Not death by maiming.”

“Well, beheading, then. The most lethal maiming of the bunch. Then I might be able to keep your head in a shoebox in my fridge,” I said, twirling a lock of his hair around my finger. “Now wouldn’t that be nice.”

He chuckled. “Always the romantic, Tiff—”

“Okay, but second on the list, it would be burning…” I said. “Because I do really want to try that out sometime, too.”

“Jesus—”

“What? Too extreme?”

“You’re choosing all the ones that would keep me dying for longer.”

I laughed. “Oh, come on, as if electrocuting was nice, quick and easy.”

“And your last one?”

“… A shot to the heart. Truly nice, quick and easy,” I said lovingly, patting his chest. “I’d make sure it wouldn’t hurt.”

He smiled and kissed my nose. “How sweet of you.”

I smiled and kissed him back. I rested my head in the small of his neck, pressing my cheek against his shoulder. One of his hands went up and rested on my back, just between my shoulder blades. It was almost like a hug. I felt I could stay like that forever.

“… You know something I am pretty bummed by, Tiff?”

“Yeah?”

“That I wasn’t there to see your first kill,” he said wistfully. “It’s something important. Life changing.”

I giggled as I moved back from his shoulder, facing him again. “Don’t worry about it. He was just an asshole I was sort-of dating.” As with everything that had happened before us, he didn’t really need to know the details of our relationship. Just bringing up my last breakup made me feel a bit sick.

Still, Chucky was now intrigued. “Mm… But how did you do it? Shot to the heart?”

“Well, he asked me to shave him, because he was kind of high and wasn’t very lucid,” I explained with a tilt of my head, as I tried to remember the details. “He handed me the straight razor –I had done this a few times before. And, y’know, one thing led to another...”

He let out a little snicker. “You sliced his throat?”

I smiled to myself. Indeed I did. My first time. “Yes. Slowly at first, until he began screaming… Then I stabbed his throat to keep him quiet, before ending the slit just under his ear.”

“And did he keep quiet?”

“No, he kept doing this… This gurgling sound…” I said, furrowing my brow in concentration, looking back up at the ceiling, trying to remember what it was like. “I don’t know what did him in, really, the blood loss or the choking.”

“Mm… What else?”

I looked down back at him. He was grinning that familiar smirk, gazing at me with that smug look in his face. I huffed. “Alright, listen, just because I didn’t stab him fifty times doesn’t mean it’s not pretty good for a fourteen-year-old—”

He suddenly pulled me to him and kissed me, a different kiss, and then I realized what he had meant with ‘what else’. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, and after a moment I giggled, tugging at his hair to keep him a few inches away, just enough to answer.

“While he kept bleeding out, and trying to say something, I was still holding the razor…” I whispered. “And I had done it slowly enough that it was, you know, soaked—”

He moved down to kiss my neck. A moan slipped from my lips. It took a couple of seconds for me to remember what I was saying.

“… Soaked with blood. And his body went limp, and I knew it was over… And the blood dripped down to my hand –and trickled between my fingers –and it was this warm, thick thing going down my arm, as I kept looking at the razor…”

That seemed to do the trick. He kept kissing, now with a bit of teeth, moving down to my collarbone. I sighed, dropping my new nail file. His hand went down my hips and to my thighs, groping and pressing his fingers against my skin, and I bent a knee, welcoming him between my legs. And, as he pulled down my bra, licking his lips, I thought…

“—Wait –I got an idea, baby.”

Chucky groaned and grumbled, but I pulled my bra strap back up and hurried to my drawers. I had forgotten where I had put those things, if I still had kept them at all… But they had cost me a pretty penny, so I should have better not thrown them away by accident.

He eventually followed me into the bedroom, sulking, with his hands in his pockets. “Are you gonna share it with the class, or…?”

“Just look for a rope I got, they might be in there with the rest of the dolls,” I told him, still searching, making a gesture towards the nightstand.

“Rope?”

I turned to him. “Yeah, and handcuffs.”

His eyebrows shot up in what I could only describe as some kind of thrilled shock. “Handcuffs?”

I took a deep breath and put my hands on my hips. “Are you deaf? Yes, handcuffs, that’s what I said—”

“Are those for what I think they’re for?”

I gave him a smile. “Why else would I have handcuffs for?”

He nodded, looking around the room, and rummaged through the drawers of the nightstand, now slightly more hurried. I stifled a laugh at his sudden excitement. I went on through the drawers, until I finally found them among some old fetish outfits.

“Ah, here’s the sneaky little thing—”

Chucky practically jumped to my side. “So, is that your idea?” he asked, glancing at the stuff in the drawer, then at me, then back at the stuff. His fingers were twitching, as if he had received an electric jolt.

I nodded. “Are you interested?”

He let out a breathless scoff.

“Would this be your first time?” I asked him.

“Uh… I’ve tried it once or twice, but I think it never…” Chucky shrugged with something more or less similar to embarrassment. Or, rather, as close as embarrassment as someone like him could ever get. “It never quite worked out as it’s supposed to.”

“Shame,” I sighed, though, undeniably, this made the whole thing more exciting. “Guess I’ll have to teach you, then. We’ll go straight to the basics, first level, so you don’t get too overwhelmed too quickly,” I said, picking out one of my gloves. But I looked back at him and raised one finger. “Only as long as I’m in charge, Chucky. Got it?”

He let out a deep annoyed groan, like he did when he was about to throw a tantrum. To my surprise, though, he managed to strain through it, and soon was smiling his crooked smile again. “Alright. But next time we switch.”

“Of course,” I said. I pulled out the drawer and emptied it on the bed. “Now: what caught your eye?”

Chucky really had no idea at all. I ended up deciding for us, since he clearly didn’t know the first thing about what to expect. Since fully tying him up could get sticky pretty quickly, handcuffs would do. I gave him a quick explanation of what I had in mind, since I could see just how impatient he was for us to start; and, lastly, I told him about the concept of a safe word, since apparently in those previous attempts he hadn’t had become familiar with it.

“Alright… So, what’s the word?”

“‘Buttons’?” I suggested as I picked up the things we would use, and put the rest away back in the drawer. “You can say it at any moment you find yourself uncomfortable or afraid, and we’ll stop.”

“Afraid, sure—”

“There’s no shame in admitting you’re scared,” I told him with a straight face.

He just laughed, and, at my request, began undressing.

“Ah, ah –you’ll have to take it all off for it, darling,” I said once he stopped. “Briefs too.”

“What?” he frowned. “Why? What for?”

“I need to have full access to you,” I explained with an innocent shrug, as if it was obvious. “And besides, it’ll be much easier if there’s nothing between me and you.”

Chucky huffed, but complied. In the meantime, I watched him, dangling the handcuffs with one hand and holding my getup in the other. Only once he was done and fully naked in front of me, I noticed how awkward he felt by it. I was still clothed. It finally dawned on me. This was a first.

“… You okay, darling?” I asked him gently.

“Yeah,” he replied. The anxiety was obvious in his voice. “When do we start?”

“Almost there,” I smiled, and patted the bed. “Now, lie down.”

He shot me a quick glance that veered a bit too close to uncertainty for my taste, but once again, he complied. I took his wrists carefully and handcuffed them to the bedframe, and then moved down and did the same with his ankles.

“Remember, ‘buttons’,” I said right after the familiar little clicking noise that confirmed it was nice and locked. “Plural.”

“You sure you know how to do this?”

“Are you hesitating, Chucky?”

He scoffed at this. “Of course not. I’m just asking—”

“Don’t worry,” I said, going back to him, and leaving a little kiss on his forehead. “I got some experience.”

And, now with him immobilized, I gave him a wink and disappeared into the bathroom.

“Hey! Where are you going?” he cried.

“You’re ready, but I’m not!”

He groaned. “How long is it gonna take?”

“Just a minute!” I answered in a sing-song voice, taking off the curlers from my hair. I had left the bathroom door open, but I knew that, from where he was lying (and immobilized as he was), Chucky wouldn’t get a single peek.

There was some excitement in finally being able to wear those black knee-high boots for what I had gotten them for. Apart from them, I hadn’t worn any of the stuff for a couple years now, but fortunately everything still fit perfectly. Maybe the corset was a bit tighter than before, but that’s how it was meant to be worn, regardless. I went back and forth on whether I would wear stockings or not, but decided against it. The long black gloves were enough, and since the boots would be staying on, stockings would just be a bother. It may not seem like it, but there really was a lot of thought put into looking that good. Not that Chucky could ever really appreciate it, anyways.

“Hey, Tiff!” he called from the bedroom.

“What?”

“How much longer? My nose’s itching.”

I snorted. “If you can’t be a little patient, then you won’t be able to enjoy it!”

“Well, it better be worth it.”

I finished the lacing, threw on the spiked collar just for old times’ sake, checked myself in the mirror and made sure my makeup was right. I put up my hair and retouched my lipstick, taking a little longer than needed, grinning to myself while thinking of Chucky being bored to death all tied up back in the bedroom. Indeed, a couple seconds later, I heard what sounded like him banging the frame of the bed with the back of his head. I snickered, not even trying to remain serious, and I went back to the bedroom –and he immediately stopped banging his head when he laid eyes on me.

“Tell me, sweetheart,” I smiled, leaning on the doorframe, making sure he could see all of it. “Was it worth it?”

“… We're off to a good start.”

I walked closer to the bed, in no hurry. He automatically tried to move forward –pulling from the handcuffs, as if he had forgotten I had him restrained. I giggled. I think it was only then that the full situation finally hit him.

“Shit.”

“Now we start,” I declared, standing by the end of the bed. “Now, remember, one last time. The safe word is ‘buttons’. Are you gonna remember that, dear?”

“Yes,” Chucky grumbled. “I’ve already fucking told you—”

“Hey, be polite, now,” I said, raising my eyebrows and a gloved finger. “You’re in no situation to be rude.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Don’t push it, Tiff…”

“Pushing it is what it’s all about,” I said. “Unless you’d rather we just had dinner—”

“I didn’t say that,” he interrupted me. “I didn’t say anything like that.”

“Alright, then,” I sighed. This would be a true test of patience, it seemed. I only had one previous partner in this, but it had always gone quite smoothly. It would be stupid of me to think it would go like that with Chucky, though, of course. He always had to put up a fight.

Still, I thought with a smile, maybe that was what would make this the more fun.

“I’m gonna go soft on you, but you can always ask me to tone it down,” I said, climbing onto the bed, managing to keep my balance as I stood on the mattress on my high heels. “Okay?”

He nodded, but I wasn’t quite sure he heard me. He seemed a bit too distracted.

I smiled wider, down at him. And, slowly, stepped on his thigh, leaning my weight onto my heel. This was usually bad enough for a beginner to start to hurt. For some reason, though, he didn’t even flinch. I frowned. I let almost my whole weight on the heel in one go –and that he definitely felt.

“Fuck—!”

“That bad already, huh?” I giggled and raised my foot. “Baby, we’re just starting—”

“What, now I can’t even swear?” he snapped with a nervous grin. “You’re really being cruel…”

“Oh, I do try,” I smiled. I stepped on his thigh again, pressing a bit slower now. Without me saying anything, he did just try his best to grit his teeth and bear it, staring right up at me, without blinking once. I tilted my head. I pressed down harder. Chucky trembled just slightly. He was breaking. I went down harder, raised my chin, still staring him down.

“… Fuck –shit!”

I laughed and stepped off, dropping to my knees, sitting on his waist. “I win.”

“Congrats,” he muttered.

“Thank you,” I said with a smug smile, playfully drumming my fingers on his chest with my gloved hand, stroking his neck, his collarbone, his shoulders.

His expression softened a bit.

“Help me here a bit,” I said softly as I touched his lips. He shot me a puzzled look, but understood soon enough. He opened his mouth and bit the tip of my fingers. I smiled and pulled my hand off the glove. “Thanks, dear.”

He almost spit the glove to the side. I just had to laugh. There was something delightful in Chucky being restrained like that, he who always had restless hands, who didn’t like being still for long. Even then, just having to take the glove off his face, he was moving his hands in the handcuffs as if, if he just wriggled hard enough, he could get himself free. It was kind of cute.

I leaned down and touched noses. Chucky stretched his neck forward, trying to steal a kiss, but I moved back. He was so predictable. I knew fully well what he would try to pull.

“You really have a problem with patience, you know,” I said, pulling my other glove off and throwing it to the floor. Now, with both hands free, I ran my hands comfortably across his chest. “It’s kind of a pity.”

“Can you blame me?” he smiled.

I smiled back, slinking across him. “No, I guess I can’t.”

I reached down to his thigh, and felt the slight dent on his skin that was still there after I had stepped on it. I looked at it, curious to see whether it would bruise, and then back up to his face. If it still hurt him, it didn’t show. So, I went with the next best thing: I grabbed his thigh, just as he did with mine so many times, only that I had nails I could sink in. He let out a little groan.

“What, too sharp?”

He shook his head, swallowing a curse. “Just sharp enough.”

“Good.”

I dragged my nails up to his hip, scratching hard, feeling how he tensed under me. All of him was taut as a stretched rope, shifting all his weight forward.

“Tiff—"

“Hmm?"

Chucky opened his mouth, but couldn’t say anything. For once, he was speechless. I felt my pulse quickening. I had worked a miracle. I smiled and grabbed his dick. His jaw tensed as he gritted his teeth, with just a few muffled groans.

“You can be as loud as you want, baby,” I cooed in his ear. “I’m not gonna judge—”

“Fuck off, Tiff."

I grabbed him tighter. He let out something quite similar to a yelp.

“Then I’ll have to ask you politely, then,” I said, scratching it ever so slightly with my nails. “Could you please be a bit louder? Just for me. I’d like to hear you moan… It would help me, you know.”

“Jesus—”

“Won’t you give me a little help?” I said now, in a mocking plea.

He barely managed to smile. “If you want it so bad…”

It just had to be on his terms. He finally relaxed just a bit, as I kissed him deep, and he let out a small moan. But I wanted loud.

“Louder,” I ordered, and slapped his thigh. He groaned. “C’mon, darling, loosen up…"

“Make me.”

I slapped his thigh again, harder. “It’s such a boring game if you don’t play along,” I whined.

But I wanted to keep him guessing. I leaned down and kissed him, softer –to then surprise him with a little controlled bite on his lower lip. I tasted the tiniest bit of blood, and licked his lips with the tip of my tongue. He liked that. I sucked his bottom lip, tasting it more. He really liked that. I could tell by the rattling of the handcuffs.

“Such a pity you’re all… Tied up…” I grinned, moving away from him for a moment and kneeling again on the bed. He snorted a laugh. “… Bet you’d wanna do this yourself.”

I pulled down my panties, slowly, staring into his eyes, daring him to hold my gaze. He just couldn’t do it. Almost immediately he looked down, lips parting, as my hands went down my thighs, dragging the panties along.

“Bet you’d like to help.”

I sat on the space between his legs, and took the panties off from mine, off from my boots, and tossed them to the floor along with the forgotten gloves. I allowed him a moment to look down and enjoy it.

“Wouldn’t you?”

He chewed his upper lip. I smiled to myself, getting back on my knees, and sighed as I ran my hands over his arms.

“Such a pity—”

“Then let me loose, if it makes you so sad,” he said quickly, glancing back up to my face.

“So you wanna stop?”

“… No,” he said, after a few seconds of hesitation. “No. Keep going.”

We were really going soft this first time, only restraining him, barely doing anything else. The biting was usual for us. The scratching was a bit rarer, but I had nails, and I used them liberally. The slapping, that was new. But that was enough. Just to know I could do whatever I wanted to him, and that his pride would get too in the way for him to protest, was quite enough.

“Chucky…”

He looked up. I stroked his cheek, gently at first, before beginning to dig my nails onto his skin.

“Does it scare you, that I can do anything to you right now? Anything –and you can’t stop it?”

There was more metal clinking. I laughed. He really couldn’t get the whole being handcuffed thing through his head.

“I’m not scared.”

“You sure?”

I dragged my hand from his cheek to his throat. He stretched his neck, knowing what I had in mind. I sank my nails on his skin before opening my hand, stretching my fingers, and closing them around his neck.

“… You sure, Chucky?”

It was delightful, to see that little bit of fear in his eyes. I snickered, letting go. While unlacing the first few eyelets of the corset, I stared him down again. I wasn’t sure yet if he liked that half as much as I did –but God, it felt good to me. Focusing on his eyes, on his face, as I stood over him, was priceless. I just needed to hear the handcuffs rattling against the bedframe to know just how much he wanted to do things himself. Moving my hips forward and shifting my weight, and taking one deep breath, I slipped a hand down the front of the loosened top of the corset and grabbed my tit. Gazing at him, it was too easy to pretend it was his hand.

“Fuck…”

I smiled, closing my eyes for a moment, unlacing a few eyelets more. I felt his thighs moving from under my legs, trying to get closer. I sighed, freeing my chest from the corset, and heard a little shaky sigh coming from him as well.

“Tiff—”

Finally I smiled, opened my eyes and decided Chucky had enough to watch. I stretched my arms around his head and leaned down slowly, face to face. My chest barely grazed his. He looked down, his pulse racing, his mouth watering. I finally pressed myself against him, my chest against his, my hips against his, feeling him tensing up under me, and rested my head in the small of his neck. He gave me that nice moan I had been wanting so bad.

“Oh, hun—” I moaned in return.

He breathed against my ear. He wanted to say something –anything –he was desperate to have the last word –but his mind was blank. Me, I knew where his mind was.

I kissed his neck, softly at first, then biting down. He gave a little cry. I bit harder. I arched my back, making him focus on the pain. I couldn’t hear his breathing anymore –he was holding it. I pulled away ever so slowly, pulling the skin with my teeth. If I pressed just a little more, I could do some serious damage, I thought. I could rip the skin. I could rip out his throat like a wild dog. It took a lot of effort not to do it just out of sheer curiosity.

I let go. He breathed freely. I smiled and kissed again, just to keep him on edge. I went up, to his jaw, leaving little kisses all over it, while he pushed his head back, encouraging me to go ahead. I kissed and sucked and nibbled, thinking of all the marks I was gonna leave on him. My love. My Chucky.

I was getting wet already.

Finally, I threw my head back. He moved along with me, not wanting me to stop yet –but once he got to have a good look at me, he smiled again.

“God, look at you, babe…”

I grinned as I tilted my head to the side. “You haven’t had that view before, had you?”

He glanced over all of me again before fixing his gaze into my eyes. I ran my hand from his neck, to his chest, to his waist, to my thigh, up my waist and onto my chest. My other hand rested on his naked hip, holding him down and as still as I could.

“Easy…”

I stretched my hand towards his mouth. Right on cue, he opened up and sucked on two fingers hungrily, licking them, still staring into my eyes. He was finally doing as he was told without protesting. I pulled my wet fingers from between his lips and stroked my nipple, moaning quietly. He sighed. More rattling. I closed my eyes.

“You’re thinking that’s me…”

I smiled and nodded, biting my lip. My other hand travelled down and stroked, just barely, just over my pussy. He wouldn’t do that, though, I reminded myself. He always hurried a bit too much. He wasn’t a teaser. Not like that, at least.

“Tiff, you can’t fuck yourself like I can.”

I opened my eyes and looked down at him. Chucky was smiling his usual crooked grin. I don’t know why, but something about his tone just pushed me to it.

I slapped him, hard, right across the face. He looked at me in surprise, too shocked to even curse me out in response.

“Don’t get too cocky, dear,” I said coldly. Suddenly I wasn’t in the mood to smile. “Remember who’s handcuffed, and who’s on top.”

And, to my surprise, he grinned even wider. He gulped before talking back.

“Then act like it.”

A chill went down my spine. I slapped him again –he laughed –there were three thin red lines now crossing his cheek, where I had accidentally scratched him. I didn’t mean to do that. For a moment I was nervous, for just a couple of seconds, before he opened his mouth…

“You hit like a girl, Tiff—”

Again, harder. There was red dripping out his nose. He threw his head back and cackled, his eyes shining, and licked a bit of blood that had splattered over his lip.

“Now that’s more like it—”

I cupped his face, leaned down and kissed him hard. I couldn’t stop myself any longer. I grabbed his knee, still kissing him, and forced it higher, even though I could hear the metallic scraping of the handcuffs against the bedframe. I straddled his thigh. I grunted –it was warm where I had slapped him –and I began riding it.

Chucky let out a long groan. More rattling, more kicking, writhing furiously like a captured snake. He was tensing up to a dangerous degree.

“You’re gonna dislocate your shoulder, baby, if you keep at it,” I warned him gently, pushing him down with my hand on his chest. “And the pain of relocating it… It might be too much for one night.”

He let out a sudden laugh between gritted teeth.

“Stop squirming… Just relax,” I insisted, slowing down for a moment. “It’ll be easier.”

He closed his mouth, gazing at me with wide open eyes, and just nodded. There was a throbbing vein popping on his temple. But, slowly, through quiet breaths, he managed to loosen up a bit.

“… Good boy.”

I couldn’t have ever expected the result that would have on him. As soon as I said these words, Chucky got as flustered as a nun at a strip club.

“J-Jesus fuck, Tiff—” he managed to mumble.

My eyebrows shot right up. He never blushed before, even less this bright red. It looked like he was almost glowing. That, added to the blood smeared on his face, the scratches and the slapping…

“You really like this, huh, darling?” I hummed, grinding slow but steady on his thigh, just for him to get a taste of what was coming. “You look so cute like that…”

He whimpered, shutting his eyes tight, turning his face to his shoulder and hiding under his hair. The whimpering I liked, but not so much that he could still move enough to hide from me. Running my hand across his warm and reddened cheek, I got to his scalp, grabbed his hair and yanked it.

“Look at me,” I ordered. “Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

He still couldn’t say a word –just panted, just whined, like a little tortured animal. It was the loudest he had been in the year we had been together.

“You’re such a brat,” I said with a smile.

I reached for his dick. I barely had to graze it with the tip of my nails for it to stand on edge.

I giggled. “Well, that was quick—”

“Fuck—”

“Ah, ah, don’t you dare close your eyes,” I said, patting his cheek. “I want to see those baby blues.”

Whatever sort of release of tension he had managed, he got back in a second. Whatever, I thought. I liked watching him writhing regardless. I kept grinding against his thigh, harder and faster, pulling and stroking his dick along. Chucky groaned. It wasn’t easy for him to keep his eyes open.

“You like that, don’t you?”

Raising his sight to the ceiling, he took a deep breath and smiled, humming quietly. I stopped. He looked back at me with a sudden frown and a flash of anger in his eyes.

“Why d’you stop?”

“I asked you,” I repeated softly but firmly, leaning forward to him and brushing some hair off his face. “You like that?”

His expression softened a bit. “… Yes.”

“Does it feel good?”

“Yes…”

“Does it hurt?”

“Just… Just a little.”

“Want to keep going?”

He was so impatient. I could see him gathering all his strength not to curse me out. I just smiled, like he always did when he teased me. After a moment, he finally gritted his teeth and nodded.

“Use your words,” I ordered.

“I want to keep going,” he said quietly.

“I can’t hear you, hun.”

“I said, I want to keep going,” he repeated as he raised his voice.

“Then you better be good,” I said. “Tell me you’ll be good.”

Something had changed in the way he looked at me. There was still that flash of pure white-hot anger, which I had seen so many times before. There was something else there now, though. Chucky had been needy and desperate countless times –but never so clearly –it had never been so plainly reflected on his face. He was unraveling. The smug mask that was his face was cracking to reveal those little peeks I could only get a few times, when he couldn’t manage to keep himself quiet and composed, and showed his hunger. He knew he was good at making me tremble and moan and shriek (he knew and was proud of it), but too often he forgot I knew exactly what got him ticking, too. The big difference between us was that he was always too eager, too hurried to get to the good stuff. Me, I could be patient. I could undo him slowly, carefully, like unwrapping a present, or gutting a fish. If I wanted, I could have him begging for it.

Charles Lee Ray, begging. It was a lot less rare than it sounded.

“I’ll… Be good.”

I smiled at him, leaned down and let him have a tiny peck on the lips, as a reward. He leaned forward and managed to get me to linger on a kiss a moment longer. I giggled into his mouth.

“You said you’d be good…”

I reached for the nightstand and picked a condom, quickly ripped it open, and slipped it on him. He let out a delighted little breath of relief.

“We’re not done, baby,” I said. “Not yet.”

Pushing myself forward with my knees, I moved away from his thigh –he let out the tiniest, most adorable cry –and gripped his dick. He began breathing heavier, his chest and shoulders moving up and down with each pant. The rattling returned. I pushed it between my wet lips, spreading my thighs to the sides so he could see exactly what I was doing to him, how I was taking him in. But he wouldn’t get in yet. Not yet.

I leaned a little bit forward, resting my weight on my hand and my hand on his chest. He was hard, he was wanting, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction yet. I still wanted to have a little bit more fun.

“You really are fucking cruel—”

“But don’t you like it?” I asked with the biggest grin.

“God… I love it.”

I smiled, stroking his cheek. He leaned against my hand, pressing the side of his face to my palm. All I wanted was to look at him, to keep watching how he looked back up at me with that special type of affection that was so close to admiration. As if I was divine.

Just one more kiss, I told myself, breaking character. I leaned forward across the few inches that were still between us and kissed him long, and deep, and laughed against his mouth when his wrists rattled again, and I reached out for his right hand and intertwined our fingers. His hands were cold. Maybe there was little blood running through them. Whatever the case, Chucky didn’t complain. He kissed me back, and meanwhile, holding onto his hand, I moved ahead and began rocking my hips, pressing my pussy against his dick. Slowly at first, slow enough that, even with the condom on, he could feel how wet I was. But I was eager, probably just as eager as him, and it didn’t take long before I got moving faster, and by then I needed to throw my head back and take in a deep breath, and as much as I might have wanted to keep kissing him, we both knew this was coming.

I loved Chucky, of course I did, but I don’t think he ever looked as beautiful, as angelic as he did then: his face blushed, his mouth open and moaning and red from my smudged lipstick, his face shiny with sweat, his eyes tightly shut and his usually angry eyebrows, this time, raised and furrowed in needy despair. It was like falling in love with him all over again.

I was getting impatient, too.

Once I was more or less sure this was as far as we could both go while holding back, I finally reached behind me, turning around a little bit, like one would when parking a car. Feeling my way underneath my butt I grabbed his dick and, gently, pushed it up with my thumb and helped it find its way inside. I closed my eyes. Slowly, very slowly, I moved back down, feeling him sliding right in.

“Oh –that’s the spot,” I sighed with a smile and a shudder. “Mm…”

Chucky pressed the back of his head against the pillow, as I closed my thighs just a bit –clenching harder –letting myself fall on him, on my knees, against his legs. Then up again, slowly, before going down, and up, and down, savoring it. He looked like he was about to cry out. I grinned even bigger and closed my eyes again, wanting so badly to free his hands so he could hold me. Now, though, what could I do to make this one special? It was becoming hard to think clearly.

“Look up at me,” I ordered, my voice cracking.

He didn’t seem to hear me anymore. I slid my fingers through his hair, the top of his head, and yanked hard to call his attention.

“Look at me… Look at me, dammit.”

At last, he opened his eyes. They were glassy, and tired, but he smiled, and raised his chin, and looked at me. His eyes were so clear and light, I could see myself in them. I could see him seeing me. I had been wanting that so badly. In these eyes, I was glorious. I was the most beautiful creature that ever existed. I was wanted, and loved. I was finally seen.

I grinded harder against him, panting, faster, pressing down. Soon enough, I was moaning, and he was writhing, and the bed was creaking and we were at that point in which it was just a matter of time.

“Tiff—”

“Not yet…” I said between gritted teeth. My voice went higher as my heart beat faster and my mind was clouded to the point I could barely form a sentence. “J-just a little longer…”

“Tiff, please—”

“Just a little…”

He had never sounded like that before. God, it was so hard for me to pretend I wasn’t being torn to pieces by it. I understood how Chucky felt. Pressing himself to stay in character, to put on a front and adjust his mask. But it was slipping. And mine was next.

It was a game, like always. Who blinked first. Who laughed first. Who came first.

And he finally closed his eyes and came. The begging had lasted too little for my taste, but it always felt good to win. It was just a little bit longer before I came too, with a big smile, triumphant. And, as we both tried to breathe again, I noticed my arms trembling, and how Chucky himself was trembling ever so slightly. It definitely didn’t happen like that often. I knew I would love for it to happen often.

“Alright…”

I stood up on my wobbly knees and got off the bed. The corset, which at first was like a second skin, now felt too tight for comfort. I ripped it off me and dropped it to the side. Only then, once I managed to regulate my breathing, I decided I deserved a few seconds more in the afterglow, and, taking off the spiked collar, plopped right beside him on the mattress, lying my head on his left arm. Chucky’s face was still slightly blushed, red from my slapping, a mess of smudged lipstick (and I was probably not much better), and crossed by the bright red scratches I had left on him. I moved closer to examine them, and touched them with the tip of my finger, just to make sure I hadn’t hurt him too badly. It didn’t seem to sting anymore. It would heal quickly and nicely.

“Did you have fun?” I asked him.

Chucky smiled, his eyes closed. “… What d’you think?”

“I think you took it like a champ.”

I uncuffed him, carefully, and checked he didn’t get a cut or something.

“Tiff…” he mumbled, gazing up at me, still taking shaky breaths. “… I love you.”

I smiled at him. “I know, sweetface.”

And I kissed him once, sweetly, and snuggled against him, his warm cheek against my forehead, and with my ear against his heart, comforted in its steadying rhythm.

#childs play #chucky series #fanfiction

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grad604marcominogue · 1 year ago

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20 Items

Vintage Globe

Have kept in my room for years, reminds me how big the world is and is a reminder of opportunity. Has this vintage look and beautiful embossing. Will keep it forever.

Rising Sun Pendant

I bought this after overcoming a deep change in my life. Lost a lot of weight and overcame depression and an eating disorder so I bought it to signify the ‘new day’ in my life. Helps keep me grounded .

Surfboard

Broken first board that got me in to surfing. Was passed down from my sister to my brother to me so I held on to it for decorationand keep it to remind me of my family. Surfing has always been a unique way I’ve been able to express myself and was a massive part of my youth.

Operation Doomsday Vinyl

Favourite album of all time. Was an immediate purchase as soon as I got my record player. The albums sampling and experimentation changed the way I listen to music and had a profound effect on me as a creative.

Record Player

A recent gift. Listening to vinyl gives me this raw sense of creativity. The clearer sounds I hear from the record player help me understand musical compositions and It ispires me to think deeper about the decisions I make within design.

Laptop

Birthed my abilities, allowed me to unlock my abilities and get my ideas on paper for the first time ever. Learning to utilise digital creation has been the most important step in identifying myself as a creative person.

Lamp

Emitting a warm orange light, the old school lamp is the only light source in my room. The tint it gives and the deep shadows it casts creates a space I can be creative in.

Headphones

Noise cancelling truly locks out the rest of the world and gets me in the absolute zone. Helps me push out any external noise and allows me to think, reflect on my work and draw inspiration from the music I listen to.

Stationery

Been integrating analogue process into my work. Keep them handy at all times so I can get any random idea on paper, helping unpack any ideas I might have.

Paintbrush

A new tool in the box, I’m struggling to figure out how to use this effectively. I’ve been using it to challenge myself as a creative and is telling as to how I strive to expand my creative range.

Speaker

Even on low volume, my speaker is on daily. I draw a ton of creativity from music. It’s simple, sleek design ties in to my room cleanly. My speaker is key in getting me working productively and happily.

Wales Bonner Shoe

A recent purchase by a designer I admire, Wales Bonner. A classic Adidas silhouette with several unique fabrics and colours.Reflective of how I love putting a spin on traditional ideas and art across a range of mediums.

Vicinity Denim

Statement piece with super maximalist type design. I have began expanding my style to match my creative ideas and values. The embroidery remindsme of David Carsosn’s work.

Chelsea Kit

Chelsea Football Club is my first love. It is the first thing I found myself being truly passionate about. Football being my first means of self expression, incorporating flair, hard work and reflects my desire to improve myself always.

MF DOOM Ring

A gifted piece of jewellery. Super big ring that really stands out. A big identifier in the way I portray myself When someone recognises it in public we give eachother that silent nod of approval. A bit of an artistic validation.

Wardrobe

How I represent myself. Surfwear, Jerseys, Hats. All of it. Have a lot of clothes and its becoming a passion. Reflects me as a person through various stages of my life each garment is telling as to how I portray myself through fashion.

Doomsday Poster

Beautiful framed composition. Was a freebie from the vinyl and is now displayed right above my bed. Has such an interesting art style. The influence of DOOM on me as a creative is greater than anything else.

Handmade Rug

First piece of art I made that has a real life use. Was made in a class and is a very different medium I’d never worked with. I thoroughly enjoyed challenging myself with this creation. Was so difficult to make and I take pride in having it on display.

LEGO Countach

Two childhood favourites combined. The countach is the most stylish car of all time. It is my dream vehicle. For now I just keep one made out of lego. But you never know what the future might hold.

Painting

A work in progress… Working on a massive canvas and in a new medium with no rules for the first time. Enjoying the challenge but intimidated by the process. Shows my open mindedness towards new mediums and methods of creation.

0 notes

avalentina · 7 months ago

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Love's Booked Part 1 📖

Image Not Mine

Warnings: None that I can think of. Some kissing, a bit of angst, but mostly cute fluff.

Word Count: 3.6k

“Merda, ouch.” I yelp as he rushes over with a shy smile on his face and grabs the box. Easily hoisting it onto the nearby counter.

“Is your foot okay?” He asks with an American accent and my stomach erupts in butterflies.

“It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Bruised toes tend to happen when you own a bookstore.”

“Oh, you own this place? It’s cozy, I like it.” He says, that shy smile back.

“Thank you.”

“I take it you’re Rose?” He asks.

“Well technically my name is Y/N, Rose is a nickname from my best childhood memories, so it seemed fitting. But anyways, did you just come in to browse or are you in need of a specific title?” I ask, shaking myself out of the daze and back into sales mode.

“I was hoping you had a copy of The Sorcerer’s Stone. I lost mine.” He says sheepishly.

“I don’t have The Sorcerer’s Stone, but I do have The Philosopher’s Stone.” I say with a knowing smile.

“I keep forgetting it has a different name in the U.S.” He says and we fill the short walk over to its shelf with talk about Potter. I hand him the book and our fingers brush as he takes it from me.

“All set then, or do you need some time to browse?” I ask, hoping he opts for the latter option.

“I think I will take a peek around if that’s okay?”

“Y/N why is Christian Pulisic in the shop right now?” He asks me and I guess he’s referring to the cute guy with brown eyes.

“He needed a new copy of Philosopher’s Stone. What’s wrong with that?”

“He's Christian Pulisic, one of the new signings for AC Milan.

“So he’s a footballer?” I ask.

“One of the BEST footballers ever. I bought his jersey to wear to games as soon as the transfer was finalized.”

“Okay Nico, breathe, he’s also a normal human being. Why don’t you do the reshelves in the kids section and I’ll finish your area.”

“Would it be a bad time for me to get his autograph?”

“Of course not, happy to chat with a fan.” The guy who I guess is kind of a big deal says to Nico with a genuine smile and extends his hand so Nico can shake it.

“Ciao. È un piacere conoscerti di persona. Sei incredibile. Adoro quando fai scivolare la palla tra le gambe di un altro giocatore, penso che tu la chiami nutmeg, comunque è così bello.” Nico says in rapid fire Italian.

“I'm going to be honest. I have no idea what you just said. I recognized nutmeg but that's about it.”

“Not to worry Christian, I can translate Nico for you. He said, “Hello. It’s nice to meet you in person. You’re amazing. I love it when you slip the ball through another player’s legs, I think you call it a nutmeg, anyway it's so cool.” I say. “Nico just has a tendency to get all of his rushed thoughts and ramblings out in Italian. It's a lot easier.”

“That makes sense. Maybe all I need is an Italian tutor.” He says, looking at me with that shy smile.

“Oooh, Y/N would be amazing at that. After all, she is half American.” Livia chimes in, having finished her round of reshelves.

Christian raises an eyebrow and my face flushes as I explain. “My father was on vacation in Florence when he met my mother who was on holiday there with her friends.”

“That's actually adorable.” Christian says. “So what do you say? Will you help me learn Italian?”

“I'll think about it.” I reply.

A little bit later Christian is ready to pay and I ring him up. I scrawl my number on the bottom of his receipt along with a little note while he and Nico talk a bit more.

“Text me when you're ready for your first lesson.” It says and I stick it inside the book before handing it to him.

“Receipt is in the book. They make great bookmarks.” I say as he leaves the store.

Later on that night I've just gotten settled in my apartment above the shop when my phone pings with a new text.

Same time tomorrow? He had texted.

I suppose. We can use the lounge area up the rounded staircase in the shop. I answer.

Christian sends back a thumbs up and I go for a quick shower. As I fall asleep I can't help thinking about his pretty face and shy demeanor. But it's the curls on top of his head that get my stomach tingling.

I get dressed the next morning with him in mind. Wearing a slightly lower cut shirt than normal. It's bright red and I pair it with black dress pants and a gold chain style belt. My sneakers are the only thing I refuse to compromise on.

When Christian arrives he's wearing an identical outfit to yesterday but I notice the AC Milan logo on the zip up this time.

“I take it you had training again today,” I say to him.

He nods and follows me up the rounded staircase in the middle of the shop to the mezzanine style space where we have chairs and a sofa set up for anyone who wants to read a bit while they're in the store.

“So what do you know?” I ask him.

“Well I know that Ciaò means hello, arrivederci is goodbye, and grazie is thank you, but that's about it.” He says and I smile.

“And what do you need to prioritize for learning?” I ask next.

“I'd like to be able to communicate with my team on the pitch.” He answers with that cute shy smile. "After that, anything and everything that will help me with press and media interactions."

“So pass, see, drop, ball, cross, shot, man on, etc.?” I clarify after we share a laugh over press and media interactions.

“Yeah that covers most of them, I take it you know football.”

“I know both world football and American Football. Although I'm still not sure I understand how the latter is classified as football when the only players that touch the ball with their feet are the punter and the kicker. Plus it's not even spherical.” I ramble and he lights up with a huge smile.

“I get it. It is kind of funny.” He chuckles. “So does that mean I'll see you at the San Siro?” he asks and this time it's my turn to laugh.

“Maybe for the derby. But I'll be in black and blue.” I say with a smile.

“Ahh, you're an Inter fan.”

“Which makes you the archenemy.”

“Oh no, whatever can I do to change your mind?” He says jokingly.

It was then I noticed that we'd been slowly leaning in closer to each other and now we were just inches apart.

“Fanculo, baciami.” (Fuck it, kiss me.) I say and close the distance pressing my lips against his for a short moment before pulling away.

“Can I grab you something to drink?” I say in an attempt to get a breather, but before I can get up Christian pulls me back, kissing me again. I can't help but kiss him back.

“That, that was amazing.” He says in a whisper, smiling.

Eventually we both venture back down for waters. On his way out for the night Christian kisses my cheek and I blush like crazy. “See you tomorrow Y/N.” He says as he leaves. You wave goodbye and turn your mind to closing up when Livia interrupts you.

“I saw that.” She says with a giggle and I just smile at her. “And don't you have the day off tomorrow?”

“Yeah, he insisted on taking me for ‘an evening coffee and maybe gelato,’ were his exact words.” I say, a smile forming.

“You're into him! OMG wait until I tell Nico!” Livia exclaims. “He'll be begging for pitch side tickets.”

“Oh good Lord, you're right. You can't tell him, at least not yet, let me have tomorrow and then we can talk.” I tell her.

“Oh sure, make me keep gossip this good from my fiance.” She says back and we both laugh.

-The Next Evening-

I pair my favorite navy blue and gold constellations cold shoulder shirt with light wash flare denim jeans and my Ja 1 Chinese New Year sneakers. My Inter Snake necklace and a light gray leather crossbody bag with my wallet, phone, and sunglasses as my only accessories. Christian meets me just outside the bookstore in a white puma tee with a black logo and jeans.

“Bellissima.” (Beautiful.) He says as I exit.

“Grazie.” I say back with a smile.

“Any suggestions on the best spots around here?” He asks and I nod as we make our way to one of my favorite espresso places.

We arrive and take a seat outside as a waiter comes out to greet us.

“Buonasera, cosa posso offrirvi per questa splendida serata?” (Good evening, what can I get you two on this gorgeous night?) The waiter asks.

“Due espressi e due cannoli, per favore, grazie.” (Two espressos and two cannolis please, thank you.) I respond in rapid Italian. Christian just looks at me wide eyed.

“I ordered an espresso and a cannoli for each of us, the ones here are fantastic.”

“Do they have the Italian doughnut ball things?” Christian asks.

“Zeppola?” I ask him back just to confirm we're on the same page.

“Yeah, those.” He says smiling shyly.

“They should, but if you're on a sweet kick you gotta try the cream cheese Sfogliatelle.” I say back.

“I'm sorry, the cream cheese what?” He asks.

“The Sfogliatelle. Sfol-ya-tel-le.” I have him say it until he gets it. Which is pretty quick. “It's basically a croissant filled with cream cheese. They can also be filled with a custard, or sometimes almond paste.” I explain to him.

“I'm at your mercy here, whatever you like I'm down to try.” Christian says before adding, “Go crazy with it, I'm going to have to try it all eventually.”

When the waiter returns with our espressos and cannolis I order the zeppola and sfogliatelle, as well as a cream puff and a classic tiramisu.

Christian's eyes alight when everything arrives. I can't help but comment on it, “Looks like someone has a bit of a sweet tooth.” I say with a laugh.

“I'm usually more careful with it, but this feels like a good time to just let myself enjoy it since I just have light training and film tomorrow. We play Torino on Saturday, my first game at the San Siro.”

We enjoyed the espressos and pastries with light conversation. Christian told me a bit about his time at Chelsea but was very vague about it. It seemed like a place that frustrated him more than anything. After we finished, Christian insisted on paying even after I offered to split it with him considering what I ordered for us. As we were walking back to the store Christian and I exchanged stories about childhood. When I told him I played football at university on a scholarship he seemed pretty impressed and asked if I ever wanted to go pro.

“No. Towards the end of uni I felt more of the stress, I wasn't playing for fun anymore, I wasn't enjoying myself on the pitch, and I realized I didn't want to lose my love for the game.”

“What position did you play?”

“What didn't I play is the better question. I had really good pitch awareness, I acted as the secondary goalkeeper, but I usually played in the center, whether that was at center back or center mid. Sometimes striker, but I liked center back the best. It was more of a defensive midfield almost, with the way we played, but I got my share of goals and assists and a few clean sheets too.”

“Leftie or Rightie?” He asked and I answered with a proud smile on my face. “Dominant leftie.”

“Impressive.”

“I'm also left-handed but I actually golf and bowl right handed.”

“You bowl?”

“Of course, it's great for grip training. It helps exercise and build the muscles in your fingers, which is good for keepers.”

“Ok, damn, that's actually interesting. I'll have to ask Mike if he bowls.” Christian comments just as we reach the shop.

“Well, this is me.” I say and he shakes his head with a smile.

“You live above the store? Why does that not surprise me at all.”

“It's like the shortest commute to work a person can have and then I have more time with Astra and Aurora in the mornings.” I say and Christian raises a brow. “Come on up, I'll introduce you.”

We go up the back set of stairs inside the building and I unlock my door. Astra my huskydoodle and Aurora my havanese are sitting in their respective beds patiently waiting for me to call them out.

“Okay, are you ready?” I ask Christian. They won't bite him or growl or bark obnoxiously, or anything but they will go beg for all the attention. He nods and I give my girls the signal.

“Ciao Ragazze.” I say. At the mention of their code (hi girls) they come rushing out of their beds towards me for a few nuzzles before they begin their investigation of Christian.

Christian ends up spending about twenty minutes with me and the pups, before heading home to get some sleep. I went about business as usual the next morning, it was shipment day so I had plenty to keep me busy all day. Nico arrived late in the afternoon. He does all the businessy managerial paperwork on Fridays. Livia and I call it his office day. I'm on a quick break when Nico comes and grabs me.

“Someone requested you specifically.” He says as I follow him out to the front.

Christian is standing there in his training kit with a small black gift bag. “Hey you,” he says with a smile.

“Hey yourself, I didn't think you'd be by today.” I replied with a wide smile.

“I brought you something.” He says and goes to hand me the bag when Nico pipes up. “Y/N why don't you and Christian head up to your place, I'll close up the store tonight.” He says and shoos us both up the stairwell that's inside the storeroom. Once we get inside and Astra and Aurora settle, Chris hands me the bag. I pull out a badge style pass to the San Siro which is attached to a black lanyard.

“It’s an all-access pass into the tunnel and the reserved section for the game tomorrow.” Christian explains and I sigh.

“I’m flattered, really, but I can't. I work an open to close at the shop.” I say. I go to hand it back to him when my phone buzzes. “What the hell did you do?” I ask Christian after reading my message.

“I messaged Livia about my idea and she said she'd be happy to cover it for you.” He tells me.

“So is this what happens? We kiss twice, go on one maybe-date, and suddenly my world is supposed to revolve around you? Because I hate to break it to you, but that's not how shit works.” I say back, mildly pissed off.

“Y/N no. I'm sorry, I thought I was doing something nice for you.” He says sadly and suddenly I feel like shit for getting pissy with him.

“I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said that.” I say. We stand in an awkward silence for about a minute when I break it. “Listen Christian, I wouldn't say no to a second maybe-date or a first official date with you, but I love my job, I love that store, and I have worked way too hard to get it to where it is. It's my livelihood, just like football is yours. I need to be here for the store just like you need to be there for your team.”

“Then you'll let me take you out after the store closes tomorrow?” He asks.

“I'd like that.” I say back.

“I admire your passion and dedication to the store, so I'm sorry if I made it seem like I didn't care. I should've tried to look at it from your perspective.” He apologizes.

“Can we kiss and make up now?” I ask with a sly smile and Christian smiles back before pulling me into him and kissing me sweetly.

“I think I'm going to like having kiss and make up time with you.” He says with a smile. One I happily return. We watch a few episodes of one of my favorite American shows while cuddling on my couch with the dogs. Eventually we both end up hungry, and I pan sear some steak and vegetables, boil some of my favorite fresh pasta and then toss it all together with some granulated garlic, fresh grated parmesan, and a poppyseed vinaigrette. After dividing it into two bowls I rejoin Christian on the couch.

“So, do you prefer Christian or Chris?” I ask him in between a bite of dinner.

“I'm good with either, it's usually Chris during casual conversations like this with my family, friends, and teammates.” He elaborates.

“Noted… Chris.”

After we finish eating, Christian insists on helping me with the dishes. As he's leaving I go to hand him the badge.

“Keep it,” he says. “Just in case you change your mind.” He kisses me soundly and heads out.

I go to head to bed and see the gift bag on the coffee table. I can tell there's more in there just by the way it sits. Sure enough, under a few pieces of tissue paper is the mostly white US National Team jersey. When I pull it out a note falls out.

Y/N,

I was thinking that maybe we could meet in the middle. Seeing as you're half American and all, a US Soccer jersey wouldn't be treason.

-Christian

P.S. if you do feel so inclined and want to wear my club jersey, feel free, I included one of those too.

I set the note aside and pull out the red and black jersey. Flipping it to look at the back I see Pulisic 11 and can't help but smile. I grab the USA one and check its back as well.

“He thinks he's so smooth.” I say to Astra and Aurora. “Va bene ragazze, è ora di dormire.” (Alright girls, sleep time)

Astra and Aurora follow me back to my bedroom. As soon as I open the door they go and jump up. Aurora sprawls out on the pillow that I don't use and Astra curls up right in my spot. I take a quick shower to get rid of the dirt from the day. Once I've got my sleep shirt on I lift the sheets. Astra moves to the other side so I can slip in. Then she scootches back over for snuggles.

When I get up the next morning I glance around the room and my eyes land on the red and black jersey. I text Livia to make sure she's still ok with covering for me. I pull on black skinny jeans, the USA jersey, and combat boots. I pull my hair back in a braid, add my sterling silver football long earrings, paint on a dark red lip, and draw my cat-eyes. I grab my crossbody bag and the pass, before stopping in the shop to thank Livia.

“Go get him girl!” She hollers as I leave for the San Siro.

Hope you enjoyed! I'm still working on part 2. It will probably be 3 parts total with an open ending so I can do check-ins in the future.

-Ava

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v-e-r-t21 · 2 years ago

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Lost - Kuroo Tetsuro

This is the first real thing I’ve ever written so here it is. It’s also posted on ao3 at Lost - VERT21 - Haikyuu!! [Archive of Our Own] so maybe go there and leave a kudos. It's really long and the only proof I have of it being good is my friend reading it and saying it made him cry when he hates romance/angst stuff so idk here.

"FUCK YOU"

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO"

"I HATE YOU!"

"I HATE YOU TOO!"

Kuroo and I are standing on opposite ends of the table as we scream at each other. This fight is our longest yet. 36 minutes and 17 seconds exactly. Yelling the entire time. I can't feel my throat, and my eyes are full of tears. Across the table, I can see Kuroo panting, tears falling from his eyes. We never used to fight this much.

"Why are we like this?"

I don't know what I expected him to say, but it wasn't that. I can't help but wonder though. Why are we like this? We didn't use to be like this. We were so happy. So so happy.

"I don't know."

He's looking at his hands. There are crescent marks from his nails in the palms of his hands. He's been squeezing his fist the entire time we have been fighting. He's been standing stiff as a board, and though I know he wants to throw his hands around, he doesn't.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

He looks up at me, fear all over his face.

"What do you mean? Do you want to break up?"

The broken sound of his voice makes me want to break down, but I can't. So many times. Too many times. I can't do it anymore.

"Maybe we should."

His breathing is laboured, and his voice is cracking.

"Please don't. I need you, please."

I can't look at him. If I do, I'll give in, and I can't. Not anymore.

"Kuroo, I think this is the best thing for us."

"No, we can figure it out. We have to figure it out." "We've tried!" I yell, looking him right in the eye. The tears are streaming down his face, but my eyes have become bone dry.

"How many times have we spent the night away? How many times have we asked our friends for help and advice? Kuroo, this isn't healthy. We can't live like this."

His whole body is trembling. His hands are shaking as he reaches out to me.

"Don't leave me."

I turn away from him and look at the floor. I can't look at him—this beautiful person to whom I have given the best and worst years of my life.

"I'm sleeping at Daichi and Suga's tonight. I'll be back in the morning."

I walk out of the room and make it to the bedroom door when I hear a thud come from the living room, followed by choked sobs. It's Kuroo, crying. As "macho" as he seems, he can't stand the two of us fighting, which is why I hate that we do it so much.

I walk into the bedroom and look around: the dresser covered in his hair products and my limited amount of makeup—the closet full of clothes that bounce back and forth between us—the mirror, photo booth pictures of the two of us stuck in the corners—the bookcase, filled with textbooks, novels, playbooks, and everything in between—the nightstand, full of cheap carnival toys that he used to "woo" me that I could never bring myself to throw away.

The sock drawer, with a ring box, tucked away from months ago.

I grab my duffel bag and go around the room, grabbing my stuff: a crop top he stole from me, my jersey, clothes and makeup, a comfort book. Finally, the nightstand, with all the cheap gifts from back when he was trying to "woo" me. The set of pictures from our first date.

I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks while remembering all the great times we've had. Nationals, his graduation party, my graduation party, the junior world championships, our first official date, our first trip together as a couple, Bokuto and Akkashi's engagement party. All of it.

The first time we said I love you.

I zip up my bag and grab my sweatshirt—a gift from Daichi when Kuroo and I moved in together. I walk to the front door and pull on my jacket and boots. The boots Kuroo bought me for my 20th birthday cause I loved hiking through the forest behind the apartment. I grab my keys from the kitchen counter and see Kuroo lying on the couch, passed out from crying, his face still wet. No matter how much I want to leave, I can't. I'll never be able to leave him—my one true love.

I grab a blanket from the closet in the hallway and drape it over him. Tucking him in, making sure everything's covered so he doesn't get cold. He's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, no matter how disastrous he looks, with his red eyes and tear stains, remnants of blood on his lips from biting them.

I lock the door behind me as I leave with my wallet and phone in my pocket. I walk two blocks down to the train stop and get on the first train. I don't know which train it is. I don't know which way I'm going. I just know I'm going. In my defense, which I don't have much of, I intended to go to Daichi and Suga's when I left the apartment.

The train lumbers on, houses and buildings passing by as we go. It stops every few minutes; people get on and off, but my seat is comfortable, and I don't feel like moving. I should text Daichi and figure out how to get to his place, but I'm tired, and the gentle sway of the train is hypnotizing. My chest hurts, and my throat feels raw. My hat shields my face from the other people around me as I look out the window. I lean my head against the window, close my eyes, and fall asleep.

Kuroo POV

I woke up on the couch, my face feeling sticky from crying. It can't have been more than an hour since our fight. The house feels empty.

I can feel my chest ache. I can't tell whether it's because of all the yelling and crying from earlier or just heartache. But the two of those go hand in hand nowadays, so it doesn't matter.

I don't even know how this all started. Actually, I do, but I never thought it would end like this, the two of us at each other's throats all the time. After our first huge fight, the fear I felt was unreal. I remember calling Bokuto and having a breakdown over the phone, panicking that she would leave me. It took Bokuto close to 40 minutes to calm me down. He said he and Akaashi would fight too, that it's normal to fight. That everyone has fights, and we could get through it. I believed him, but it never got better. And then hearing all these stories on the internet of couples coming out of the "honeymoon" phase and realizing they can't live together. That they hate each other. I never thought we would end up like this. Never.

Imagine falling in love with your best friend. The person who has always been your best friend. The person you thought would be your forever always.

God, this sucks.

My back hurts from lying on the couch. I stand up and start moving towards the bedroom when something in the kitchen catches my eye.

Right there, in the middle of the counter, are Y/Ns keys.

No matter how much we fight or when she leaves, whether she's staying at someone else's or just going to the store on the corner for food, she never leaves her keys.

I race into our room. If her keys are here, maybe she is. I don't know what possesses me to have that hope, but I'm so desperate for her to be here.

The room is empty, and her stuff is gone. Clothes, books, chargers and makeup. The makeup she used to put all over my face because she thought it looked cool on me.

The pictures from our first date are missing from the mirror. No doubt she took them to Daichi's with her. But why take all her stuff. She said she was going over for tonight. It's not even that far. Where is she?

I run all over the tiny apartment, checking the closet, bathroom, laundry room, and even the balcony. She isn't there.

I race back into the living room, looking for my phone frantically. I have to call her. I have to find her. She wouldn't just leave her keys. She's always so scared of coming back from somewhere and not being able to get in. She's terrified of being abandoned and trapped. That's one of the reasons why it took so long for us to get together. She was scared of us dating and something going wrong and me shutting her out, even though I promised we would always be best friends. She always said it was the love child of her abandonment and trust issues. I still don't know what she means by that.

I grab my phone off the coffee table and find her name on the speed dial. She was never one for pet names, but she always said she loved how I said her name. So I always called her by it. Some of our friends found it a little weird, what with the way I have nicknames for everyone except her, but it was our thing.

I call her, and it immediately goes to voicemail. I hear my voice talking back to me. She never got around to setting up her voicemail, so I did it for her—a carbon copy of the one on my phone with a different name.

"Y/N? Y/N, where are you? You said you were going to Daichi and Suga's. Your keys are still here. Do you want me to bring them over? Please call me back?"

I hang up and fumble with my phone, trying to call Daichi. It's 3 in the morning, and he won't be pleased with such an early call, but he's always had a soft spot for Y/N.

I'm surprised when he picks up but steamrolls through and gets right to the point.

"Daichi, is Y/N there? Is she ok? She left her keys here, and she said she was going to your house, which was like two hours ago. She's there, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

True to form, Daichi sounds like he just woke up and has no idea what I'm talking about, even though I was pretty obvious.

"Y/N!! She's not here, and she left her keys in the kitchen, and she said she was going to your place!"

"Maybe she went for a walk."

"She never leaves her keys. Ever. And all her stuff is gone!"

My panicked statement seems to get his attention finally. I hear rustling on the other end of the phone.

"Have you tried calling her?"

"Of course I've called her! She didn't pick up. I don't know where she is, and the last thing we did was fight. God, what if she ran away and someone kidnapped her?! What if she's dead?!"

The exasperation in Daichi's voice was almost palpable.

"She's not dead, Kuroo. It's Y/N. If she died, it would be on the news."

He's right, but that does nothing to soothe my nerves.

"Where is she then?!! All her stuff is gone, her keys are still here, and there's no note. What if she ran away?"

God bless Daichi for the number of times he's dealt with me bothering him about Y/N.

"She wouldn't just leave you without telling you why. Did anything happen today?"

Of course, something happened today. Something happens every day.

"Yeah…."

I hear Daichi sigh.

"Did you have another fight?"

The silence on my end tells him all he needs to know.

"How often do you guys fight?"

"Almost every day."

I can feel the disappointment rolling off of him. He was the first person Y/N told about the fights. He gave us all this advice to try and help us. He also said that maybe taking a break was the best idea. Of course, we didn't listen to him. I wonder if things would be different if we had.

"Try calling her again. If she hasn't called you back in an hour, call me back, and I'll try calling her. But after you call me, I want you to go to sleep. If we can't find her tonight, we'll find her tomorrow. Alright?"

Good ol' Daichi, the voice of reason always. Honestly, it's not that surprising with the team he had to deal with and still does deal with regularly.

"Ok. Sorry for bothering you."

Daichi just sighs and hangs up. I put my phone down, thinking about the fight. I don't even know how it started. Sometimes it just seems like she'll blow up at me out of nowhere. And I'm not stupid. I know I do it too. But I always feel like I have a reason. Granted, she probably feels the same way about our fights.

I call her again and get the same voicemail.

"Hey Y/N. Daichi said you're not at his place. Please get back to me. I'm worried about you."

I hang up and walk back into the bedroom. I searched the room, trying to find a clue where she went: a map, receipt for a ticket, anything. The room is empty. The only proof she was ever here is the pictures in the mirror. She only took the ones from our first official date. Everything else, the pictures from before and after, is still there. It's just those four.

I remember our first date perfectly. It had taken me a year to get her to agree to a date. It was the summer before our third year of high school. I confessed my feelings to her while we were at a park. Bokuto, Kenma, Akaashi, and the entire Karasuno team hid behind trees and bushes. I confessed, and she did the same. I asked her out, and she said no. She said she was scared to mess up our friendship and didn't want to take the risk. I spent all of our third year wooing her: buying her gifts, randomly showing up to walk her home even though she lived in Miyagi and I was in Tokyo. Spending all this time with her, showing her I was in it for the long run. Finally, in March, she agreed to go on a date with me. We went to a carnival. We met up there, and the first ride we went on was a roller coaster with a 60-foot drop. I was terrified, and she was ecstatic. We went on a drop tower, a twister, played games and ate horrible food.

After we got nachos, we took the pictures, some cheese still on my cheek. The first one was us laughing. The second was her wiping my face. The third was her laughing as I kissed her cheek: the last one, our faces mashed together with these huge smiles.

Those four pictures are my favourite in the entire world. And she took them with her because, of course, they are her favourite as well.

I call her again.

"Y/N, it's been hours. Please tell me where you are. Just let me know you're safe. Don't be kidnapped, please. You always think people are good. You're so trusting, be careful, please."

I hang up and sit on the bed. Our bed. Where we watched movies, cuddled, cried, and laughed—all these experiences and memories on this mattress. Our first fight ended with us lying here together. The first time she cried, we ended up here. The first time I cried when we were together was here.

The first time she put makeup on my face was at the dresser. We were going to a party, and she did my makeup. She said I looked like a character from Euphoria. We were late to the party, but we both looked amazing.

I call her again.

"I just called you, but you haven't said anything yet. If I don't get a call from you in the next five minutes, I'm calling Bokuto. He'll go crazy. Do you want Bokuto going crazy?"

I hang up and walk to the kitchen. The first time she tried to cook here, she almost set the apartment on fire. Since then, we decided that I would be the only one cooking. We ended up getting a lot of takeout.

I make myself a box of ramen and sit at the dining room table. I used to help her study right here. She loved science and math but hated literature. And her first two years of university, most of her mandatory classes involved literature. We used to sit here for hours as I quizzed her and helped her take notes. She would return the favour by helping me with math and world studies.

The table feels empty without all the textbooks and papers everywhere—just my tiny bowl. I feel so alone.

I call her again.

"Hey Y/N. Please pick up. Please. I just need to know that you're ok. Please. I love you."

I drop my phone on the table and drop my face into my hands. I can feel my eyes burn as the tears come back. I love her so much. I've loved her my whole life. Ever since we met in middle school, and I'll love her even after I die.

My phone beeps, and I flail as I try to open it, desperate for it to be Aspen.

It's a text from Suga.

~Hey. Daichi and I haven't heard anything yet. Daichi will try calling her in half an hour, and if she doesn't answer, I'll call an hour later. You should try getting some sleep.~

Suga, the ever-caring friend. I've never really been close with him and Daichi, but Y/N loves them, and we often hang out together.

I eat the ramen that's still sitting in front of me. It's gone cold, but I don't notice—too busy thinking.

I walk over to the couch and sit down, wrapping myself up in the blanket I found over me. It was probably her who put it on me before she left. I turn on the TV, and some old movie is playing. If Y/N were here, she'd know which movie. She knows every movie that's ever come out, what it made at the box office, who the director was, everything. She's obsessed with movies.

I call her again.

"Y/N. This is my 6th time calling you. It's been hours. Please just let me know that you're ok."

I watched the movie and called her two more times. She doesn't pick up either time.

As the credits roll across the screen, I pick up my phone again. I saw a message from Daichi saying that he had called her and she didn't answer. Saying Suga would call her in an hour.

I opened my phone and called her again.

"This is my 9th call. Daichi tried calling you, and he said you didn't answer. I know you're mad at me, but please tell him that you are ok."

I get up and walk to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth and washing my face, I see that my eyes are still red and puffy, full of tears. The tear stains are still on my cheeks. Tears are still falling, but I don't notice them.

Her shampoo is still in the shower. The whole room smells like her. It makes me want to scream.

I walk into the bedroom and fall on the bed. I lay there, cold. She always goes to bed first. She doesn't fall asleep, but she gets in bed hours before me and lays there, reading, warming up the bed on her phone or computer.

I call her again.

"Hey Y/N. I'm going to bed now. I left the door unlocked. I know it's dangerous, and someone could break in, but you left your keys here, and I don't want you to be locked out when you come back."

I get up and put on my pajamas. Whenever she sleeps somewhere else, I always wear a pair of fuzzy pants she gave me for Christmas eve a few years ago and a tye-dye shirt she made for me at some festival. She was so excited when she made the shirt. Bouncing around all happy cause she had never made one before.

God, I miss her.

I call her again.

"I know I just called, but I need to tell you I love you. I know you're tough and strong and don't need anyone to help you, but I love you, which means I'm going to help you whether you want it or not. And this fight isn't going to change that. Please come home."

I walk to the sock drawer to find something for my feet. Y/N always had cold feet and had all these fluffy socks. She got me a pair for my birthday. Hopefully, she didn't take them with her.

I open the sock drawer and find it half empty. A shared sock drawer with only one person's socks. How lonely. I reach in, searching around for something fluffy. My hand knocks against something hard. I grab it, and it feels like a box. I pull it out and find a jewelry box. That's weird. Y/N would've taken all her jewelry, and I don't keep any in the sock drawer.

I open the box and see a ring. A gold band with engravings on it spelling out "My one true love." I never bought this ring. Y/N would've told me if she had bought a ring. There's no way she bought it. It's not possible. But that graving, that's her. That's her 1000 percent. How?

Why would she buy a ring and not wear it? Why would she leave it here when she took everything else? It makes no sense. It's a men's ring too. Why would she buy a men's ring and leave it here?

I grab my phone and call her again.

"Y/N, why is there a ring in the sock drawer? I just found it, and it looks like a men's ring. Was this a birthday present? My birthday isn't for a few months. Please call me back."

The next call I make is Daichi. He's going to kill me, I know it, but if anyone would know why Y/N bought a ring, it would be him.

I wait frantically as the phone rings. The person who picks it up is not Daichi.

"Kuroo? Why are you calling so late? We told you we'd call you if we heard anything from her."

"Suga, she bought a ring."

The other end of the phone is silent. It feels like it lasts forever. "What?"

"There's a ring in a ring box. I'm holding it right now. She bought a ring. Why would she buy a ring? Do you know anything about this? Does Daichi?"

"Give me a sec to wake him up and ask."

I hear Suga shuffling around before hearing a noise suggesting Daichi is being dragged out of bed. He's definitely going to kill me.

"Kuroo, what's wrong now?" Daichi sounds exhausted and very annoyed. He's not as scary as Suga can be, but he also has a lot less patience, and he's still scary.

"Daichi Y/N bought a ring."

There's no noise on his end of the phone for the second time.

"Did she ever talk to you about buying a ring?"

"Daichi, if she had told me she was going to buy a men's ring, do you think I would be freaking out and calling you right now?"

"I don't know, man, maybe with all the stress you've been under the past few hours, you forgot something? I don't know. I'm tired."

There's a "smack" sound on the other end and Daichi groans. Suga hit him with something.

"Kuroo, you've already tried calling her, right?"

It's Suga again. He probably made Daichi put the phone on speaker.

"Yeah, but she didn't answer."

"And you're sure she never brought up buying a ring for you? Or someone else?"

"She would've told me if she planned to buy something this expensive."

"Hmmm. What if she....."

Suga trails off as he starts thinking. What if she what? What is he talking about?

"Kuroo?"

He sounds weird. Like he's thinking hard about something.

"Have you and Y/N ever talked about getting married?"

"Yeah, once, but that was a long time ago. Why do you ask? What does that have to do with-"

I feel my throat close off as everything finally makes sense. The ring, the talking about kids, the asking about having dinner with parents. She was going to propose.

Suga stays on the phone with me as I cry. He sits on the other end, trying to soothe me as I go through the worst breakdown of my life.

She bought a ring. She thought about proposing. She wanted to marry me, and now she's gone.

"Kuroo, you have to sleep. You have work soon, and you need rest."

God bless Suga, the man is a saint when he needs to be, but I can't deal with him now.

"Suga, I'm gonna go."

There's sputtering on the other end as the man tries to keep me from "doing something I might regret." There's not much I could regret right now.

I hang up on him and stare at my phone screen. She wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together. So much so that she wasn't willing for me to get around to it. And now I'm left here without her, with the ring, not knowing if she's ever coming back.

Y/N Pov

I jerk awake when the train stops suddenly. The sun is just starting to show itself, the sky turning purple and green. Strange colours for a sunrise, but stunning nonetheless. For Kuroo's 19th birthday, I woke him up at 4 am to drag him into the woods behind our houses, climb a hill onto a cliff, and watch the sunrise. We made it just in time, and I got to see the sunrise on his face right as the clock hit his time of birth. The smile he had on and the sun shining on his face made it all worth it. All the grumbling, dragging him up the hill, having to wake up an hour before him to get food ready and make sure I didn't mess up the time. All of it. We had a picnic, and I got to be the first person to wish him a happy birthday.

Memories like this make me wonder when it all went wrong. Wonder how it went wrong. We were so happy. I just don't get it.

Our first fight was after we got home from a movie. We were debating whether it was a good movie or not. I thought it was great, and he hated every second of it. Somehow, it turned into a screaming match, me saying he didn't like it just because I did, and he said I only liked it cause the lead was a hot guy. It wasn't a long fight. We resolved it with words and hugs. Cuddling together in bed afterwards. If only I had known then what was to come.

I look at my phone, seeing a missed call from Suga. I open my phone to find one voicemail from Suga, two from Daichi, and 13 from Kuroo. All asking where I am, what's taking so long, am I safe. I answered Suga's first, calling him back and leaving a message saying I'm fine and I'll be over sometime around 11; I wanted to go into the city and walk around. He'll tell Daichi, so now all I have to do is deal with Kuroo.

"Hey, it's Kuroo. I'm busy right now, clearly, so leave a message at the beep, and I'll get back to you anywhere between 10 minutes and 3 hours. Cheers, and don't wait up."

His voicemail has been the same for three years. Redoing it every year so that his voice is "up to date," but other than that unchanged. Kuroo loves consistency. He's great for adventures and being spontaneous, but his favourite is to have a routine at the end of the day. He likes knowing what will happen before it does—another thing I love about him.

"Hey, Kuroo. Hopefully, you've gone back to sleep by now. I know you have to get up in an hour for training, so I feel pretty safe calling."

I don't know what to say. How do you tell your one true love, the one person you'd lay down your life for, the person you'd let walk all over you and take them back in a heartbeat, that you can't love them anymore. That they aren't what you want anymore. That they aren't enough.

"I'm just calling to tell you that I'm safe. No, I haven't been kidnapped, I haven't gotten in some sketchy car, and no, I haven't taken candy from a stranger."

How to continue.

"All this fighting isn't good for us, so I'm kind of glad you didn't pick up. There's some stuff I want to get off my chest, and tho I know I can tell you anything, these are things that are just too hard to say when the other person can interrupt you."

I can feel my heart breaking at what I'm about to say, and, as cowardly as it is, I'm glad I can't see or hear him.

"I love you, Kuroo. More than I thought I would ever love anyone in my life. I love your smile and your ridiculous laugh. I love how you're a total nerd and don't hide it. I love how passionate and driven you are. I love that you will drop absolutely anything to help someone in need. I love how you hate surprises, but put up with all of my unexpected endeavors. I love how you waited for me to be ready to date you, even though it took almost a year. I love how you refuse to give up on anyone or anything."

Tears are falling from my eyes, and I probably make one hell of a sight for the other morning commuters. But all I can think about is how Kuroo will look when he hears this. My voice cracks as I talk.

"I love how unapologetically optimistic you are. I love how you never let me down. I love your eyes and how they shine when you look at the sun. I love how you stay up late to look at the stars, even if you have to wake up early in the morning. I love your hair in the morning when it's an even bigger mess than usual. I love how you suck in the mornings until you have coffee, and then you're the life of the party. I love your nose, and your mouth, and your eyelashes. I love your hands. I love the way you look at me, and I love how I look at you. I love everything about you and I always will. Till death do us apart."

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and laugh into the phone.

"Look at you, making me cry with your cuteness, and you're not even here."

I look at the sun and think about how much he would've loved this view.

"The sun's up. It's beautiful. You'd love it."

"I want you to remember how much I love you forever. Forever and always. I'm on a train right now, going through downtown Tokyo. I'm not sure when I'll be back. I told Suga I'd be at their place in a few hours, but I don't think I will."

I rub my hand over my face.

"I'm breaking up with you."

The pain I feel has no words. It feels like a knife just stabbed its way through my chest. I can only imagine how Kuroo will feel hearing this over the phone. I always promised myself that I would never break up with someone over the phone. I promised him I would never break up with him.

"I know I promised you I never would. I know I said it was you and me forever. But I don't know anymore. I'm not going to do the movie thing and say it's me and not you because we both know that's not true. It's both of us. It was supposed to be us against the world, but it changed into us against each other. And I can't see me hurt you anymore. I can't see you cry and know it's my fault. I can't watch us hurt each other anymore. I can't watch myself break my best friend. I love you too much to do that. And I'm too selfish to take the risk of hurting you more trying to fix it. I took everything I wanted from our room. Everything left is yours. Keep the apartment too. I know it's under our names, but I don't know when I'm coming back."

I've been on the phone for 20 minutes already. The message will end soon, whether I stop it or not.

"The message lady will get mad at me if I talk much more, but I've got a few more things to tell you before I go. Do you remember that plan we made a few years ago, to travel everywhere? I'm going. I know that's not what you want anymore, but I never gave up on travelling the world. Just one last adventure to check off the bucket list. And when I'm done seeing the world, I'll come back, but I don't want you waiting for me. I don't want you wasting time hoping for something that could disappear."

My eyes are dry now. I've spent all my tears, and it's time to say goodbye. "I will always love you. No matter what you do, where I go, or what happens between now and when I return. You will always be my one true love. I'll see you soon, my love. Until then."

I hang up, and the tears start falling again. I get off the train at the next stop and collapse on the nearest bench. The sun is just barely up; it's not even 6 am yet. Kuroo should be waking up in a few minutes. I sit there for what feels like hours, but it is only ten minutes as I cry. Only Kuroo, stupid, amazing Kuroo, could make me cry this much.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up, expecting some security guard, asking if he should call the cops. But it's not.

"Hinata?"

He smiles at me before looking confused.

"Y/N, why are you crying? What are you doing out here?"

I remember that Hinata and Kageyama live on the north end of downtown Tokyo, over 4 hours away from where Kuroo and I live. No, lived. That's not my home anymore, and this thought brings a fresh wave of tears.

Hinata sits next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. He's still just as small as when he graduated almost five years ago.

"I broke up with Kuroo."

His already large eyes widen to the point where it's almost comical. He looks like an anime character. This whole situation feels like an anime. But it's all real.

"Why? What happened? Did he hurt you? If he did, I swear to god…."

I put my hand on his leg. Little Hinata is still just as energetic and ready to fight as always.

"He didn't do anything. He was everything I ever thought I wanted."

The confused look is back on his face.

"Then why did you break up?"

"Because I can't be what he needs."

"What do you mean?"

I sigh. As brave and energetic as Hinata is, he is also incredibly oblivious.

"Doesn't matter. Right now, I need to find a bank."

His face lights up the way it always does when he realizes he can help someone.

"There's an ATM at the corner store about a block down from here. Kageyama works there on weekends."

I smile. It's been a while since I have seen Kageyama and Hinata. Hopefully, a day with them would prepare me for my grand adventure. One last adventure.

Kuroo POV

When I wake up in the morning, the bed is cold. The apartment is quiet, and my head is pounding. Let this be a lesson not to pass out crying next time.

I get out of bed and head to the living room, a last shred of hope thinking I'll walk in and see her on the couch.

She's not there.

Instead of the tears I expected, I feel empty. I'm not surprised, and I'm not hurt. I'm too tired to feel.

I go to the kitchen and make breakfast, trying not to think about the fact that she should be here with me. Sitting on the counter, dancing around the table and singing.

I eat toast and smoked salmon. She hates breakfast food, and this was the only thing she would agree to eat before nine in the morning. It was the only thing I could feed her before we had to be off for work.

I finish eating and clean up the kitchen. She hated cooking, so we decided that I would cook and do meal prep, and she would wash dishes and clean the house. She would still come with me to the store, and I would still clean with her, but that was the official job split.

I head back to my room and crawl back into bed. I check my phone and find a message from Suga saying they haven't heard anything from her and one from Bokuto saying Daichi told him everything and that he'll be over with the team and Kenma and Akaashi after practice. There's also a message from the coach saying Bokuto explained and that I can take the next few days off if I need to. It looks like I'm watching anime and eating Baskin Robbins the rest of this week.

There's a voicemail from Y/N.

It's from 5 am, almost 4 hours ago. The call log shows the message is 19 minutes and 46 seconds long.

I can't listen to it.

I stay in bed until I hear a knock at my door. KNowing Bo, he would've skipped showering after practice and come straight here with most of the team. Atsumu, Sakusa, probably Meian and Inumaki as well. And then Kenma and Akaashi. I don't know if I can deal with that many people right now.

I hear the door open, and the sound of a volleyball team spreads through the empty apartment.

I get out of bed and head to the front door. I may feel like my world is falling apart, but leaving the combo of Atsumu, Bokuto, Sakusa and Kenma without supervision will result in my apartment falling apart, and house hunting does not sound all that appealing.

As soon as Bokuto sees me, he dives headfirst and wraps me in a hug. Let it be stated that Bokuto gives the best hugs ever.

"Hey, man. How are you feeling?"

I take a deep breath and feel a head rest against my arm. It's Kenma.

"Better now"

Bo pulls away, and I see the entire Black Jackals team in my front hall.

"I hope you guys don't mind, but I'm not really in the mood to entertain, so you guys can figure out food and drinks while I watch tv."

The team immediately begins talking, saying they'll figure stuff out, while Kenma and Akaashi lead me to the couch and sit down. Kenma leans his back against my side, and Akaashi drapes a blanket over my shoulders.

The rest of the team piles around us on the couch and the floor, with Bo sitting on my other side and wrapping his arm around my back.

The dogpile in my living room continues for the rest of the day, with most of the group deciding to stay overnight.

I head to my room around 11, telling everyone I want some time alone. Bo tells me they'll all stay out here and be there if I need them.

I nod and head to bed.

I get ready for bed and crawl under the covers. I check my phone, planning to turn off my alarm before going to sleep when I remember the voicemail.

I might as well listen to what she has to say. It won't change anything that happened, but at least I'll know she's safe.

I place the phone on her pillow and lie down, closing my eyes and pretending it's her talking to me when I press play.

"Hey, Kuroo."

Oh my god, it's her.

"Hopefully, you've gone back to sleep by now. I know you have to get up in an hour for training, so I feel pretty safe calling. I'm just calling to tell you that I'm safe. No, I haven't been kidnapped, I haven't gotten in some sketchy car, and no, I haven't taken candy from a stranger. All this fighting isn't good for us, so I'm kind of glad you didn't pick up. There's some stuff I want to get off my chest, and though I know I can tell you anything, these are things that are just too hard to say when the other person can interrupt you."

Oh my god, it is her.

"I love you, Kuroo."

I love you too.

"More than I thought I would ever love anyone in my life."

Me too.

"I love your smile and your ridiculous laugh. I love how you're a total nerd and don't hide it. I love how passionate and driven you are. I love that you will drop absolutely anything to help someone in need. I love how you hate surprises, but put up with all of my unexpected endeavors. I love how you waited for me to be ready to date you, even though it took almost a year. I love how you refuse to give up on anyone or anything. I love how unapologetically optimistic you are."

Hard to stay optimistic in this particular scenario, but it's her.

"I love how you never let me down. I love your eyes and how they shine when you look at the sun. I love how you stay up late to look at the stars, even if you have to wake up early in the morning. I love your hair in the morning when it's an even bigger mess than usual. I love how you suck in the mornings until you have coffee, and then you're the life of the party. I love your nose, and your mouth, and your eyelashes. I love your hands. I love the way you look at me, and I love how I look at you. I love everything about you and I always will. Till death do us apart."

No, don't leave, please don't leave.

"Look at you, making me cry with your cuteness, and you're not even here. The sun's up. It's beautiful. You'd love it. I want you to remember how much I love you forever. Forever and always."

Forever and always.

"I'm on a train right now, going through downtown Tokyo. I'm not sure when I'll be back. I told Suga I'd be at their place in a few hours, but I don't think I will."

I guess you never did end up there, or I would have heard from them. Please have found somewhere safe.

"I'm breaking up with you."

I can't breathe.

"I know I promised you I never would. I know I said it was you and me forever."

It is.

"But I don't know anymore."

I do.

"I'm not going to do the movie thing and say it's me and not you because we both know that's not true."

It's me.

"It's both of us."

No, it's me. It has to be.

"It was supposed to be us against the world, but it changed into us against each other. And I can't see me hurt you anymore. I can't see you cry and know it's my fault. I can't watch us hurt each other anymore. I can't watch myself break my best friend. I love you too much to do that."

I love you too.

"And I'm too selfish to take the risk of hurting you more trying to fix it. I took everything I wanted from our room. Everything left is yours. Keep the apartment too."

I don't want it.

"I know it's under our names, but I don't know when I'm coming back."

Come back now

"The message lady will get mad at me if I talk much more, but I've got a few more things to tell you before I go. Do you remember that plan we made a few years ago, to travel everywhere?"

Of course

"I'm going."

Don't.

"I know that's not what you want anymore,"

If it's with you, it is.

"But I never gave up on travelling the world. Just one last adventure to check off the bucket list. And when I'm done seeing the world, I'll come back, but I don't want you waiting for me."

I will

"I don't want you wasting time hoping for something that could disappear."

I will anyway.

"I will always love you. No matter what you do, where I go, or what happens between now and when I return. You will always be my one true love."

And you are mine.

"I'll see you soon, my love."

Don't go.

"Until then."

No-no-no. Please no. Don't leave. I don't want you to leave. Please don't leave me.

The tears are so strong that I can't see, my breathing is coming shallow and fast, and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I don't want her to leave. Not without saying goodbye. I don't want her to leave me.

She can't leave.

This can't be the end of our adventure. It just can't.

I'll wait.

I'll just have to wait for her to come back.

But she doesn't want that. She wants me to move on. But I can't.

For the second night in a row, I pass out crying.

Only this time, when I wake up, I'm not alone. A body curled up next to me, and arms around my shoulders. I open my eyes and find Bo lying awake on his phone. He puts his phone down and looks at me, smiling when he sees me.

"Morning sleepy, how ya feeling?"

The tears start up again.

"She left"

Bo squeezes me as I cry. We lie there for what feels like hours. Time doesn't matter. She's gone.

"She's not gone forever tho, right?"

I look up at Bo and frown.

"Well, she can't be gone forever, right," he says again. "She has family here and friends. She won't be gone forever."

"Yeah, but she doesn't want me anymore."

Bokuto pushes me away from him and looks at me with the most serious face I have ever seen him make. "Kuroo, not once in my entire life have I seen two people love each other as much as the two of you do. And I can tell you that this is the last thing she would want. Having you crying about how she doesn't want you."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

Bo smiles at me.

"Live your life. She'll come back, and you'll be able to swap stories about what you did."

"But I don't want to swap. I want the same stories."

"I know you do, but this is the only way. Have something to tell her when she gets home, ok, bud?"

I nod, and he pulls me back in. He's right. I shouldn't spend her entire time away mopping. I have to do stuff. Y/N, you talked about going on a grand adventure. I'll go on one too.

Hopefully, it will lead me right back to you.

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